The 9.95 Dive

You most likely have seen this by now.  A football fan letting their emotions run wild and then the absurdly inexplicable occurs:

As a writer of satire posts, this incident just had to be made fun of.  So my first post of 2014 is coined the “Sooner Fraternity Belly Flop.

First off, I am a Sooner fan, I know many fellow Sooner fans can get unruly and even rude at times, as almost any team’s fans can.  If the bantering gets out of hand, bad things can and do happen.  I’ve seen a few things in my days while attending sports games, but none like this.

You know how divers in the Olympics are given points for difficulty and style?  Well, this lady is about to capture the Gold Medal of College Football Diving.  Let’s analyze this dive.  The Sooner Fraternity Belly Flop already has a 9.0 difficulty, but what did the diver do to earn another .95 points, here they are:

  1. Boots – dives are hard enough barefoot, add boots and you get .10 extra.  If they had just been a little more stylish, another .05 may have been awarded. Sing along time: “These boots were  made for stomping, romping over OU – these boots were made for diving, diving on top of you!”
  2. Scarf – impeding a divers vision never goes well. So another .10 was awarded as the diver hit her mark perfectly.  If you are going to dive for the camera and a bazillion smartphone cameras, do it in style.
  3. Two Row and Section Launching Platform – yes, .50 was awarded for launching herself from another section and two rows above.  She even got past her husband – I’m impressed!!
  4. Mid Air Fight Song – another.10 was awarded for singing the Bama fight song while in the air. Rooooollllll Tide!
  5. Inebriation – All of this was difficult enough, but add a few beers and still managing to do all of this garnered our admiration and another .05.  More points would have been awarded except it’s just way too common at these events.
  6. Fraternity Demolition – she has proved her courage by demolishing an entire OU Fraternity with her flop.  Usually it takes 2-3 kegs to accomplish such a feat, so another .05 was awarded.
  7. Final Kick Out – to end the dive she demonstrated the final kick(s) to land that perfect flop – .10 difficulty points.

In all sincerity, I am glad no one was hurt, except their pride.  We are human, we make mistakes, some we regret for the rest of our lives.  Each incident is a learning moment.  What we learn and how we mature from it is what defines us as “adults.”  Bama demonstrated heart and determination and can hang, along with all their classy fans, their heads high and look forward to another great season.

My father played on the 47 straight teams of the 1950’s.  Football was a way to get an education, not a football career.  I brought out his 1955 and 1956 National Championship Trophies and sat them before the TV, danced a MOJO dance, which I am sure was the catalyst for our victory.  So you can thank me later.  No diving necessary.


I have grown to accept defeat with grace, because in the great scheme of life, it is still just a game.

Except when the #$%^#$ linebacker misses the @#$%$ tackle.  Get your #$## head back in the #$%$%$ game!  I digress as usual.

Congratulations to Alabama on a great season and run at dominance.  I hope my Sooners are back and we meet in 2015.  I may even practice my dives in the meantime.  No one should have all the glory and YouTube hits.


Absurd?  OU bet it is!


For the Love of my Daughter


My daughter believes my blog needs a little less dash of bacon and more dashes of fashion.  She gave me this photo and challenged me to write something humorous about it.  Where can I possibly start?  For once I was almost speechless, well, fingerless since this is a blog.  I think this was PhotoShopped, PhotoHijacked, or something. Well, for the love of my daughter here is my best attempt at fashion humor.

Zis is Eduardo Hancho Pancho Gerard Bove reporting live from zee Milan Fazhion unz Munzter Truckz Zhow.  Today we have zum unique fazhionz to dizplay to zee wurld – Yaz! Oh my wurdz, hold zee phonzee, here’s come zee muzt unzeexpected entry zis yur. (Okay enough of the Mexican Austrian French accent – it isn’t working for me.)

Surely Shirley the Wookie wouldn’t be caught dead on the streets of ole Gay Paris with this outfit.  I mean really, look at those knobby knees, puhleeeze!  And that terribly silly ball bag, look at the color clash with her Romanesque style sandals.  Besides, you lay down the bag and it rolls away. Designers these days!

And that dress! Gag me with a forklift, it looks like a beat down Idaho potato sack bag from Caddy Shack running away on the runway.  Even Cat’s won’t tolerate this on their catwalk.


Caddy Shack Cat Attack on Tacky Catwalk
Tacky Model Hack in Caddy Shack Idaho Potato Sack

See, I paid attention to Dr. Seuss’ therapy sessions – “I like green eggs and ham,” said Sam I am.  Yet, I digress as usual.  Dr. Seuss said I had ODD.

Finally look at the horrible necklace, she might as well use it as a noose, or binding for the hay on the farm.  Other than that, that’s my fashionista’s best review. Oh the face, the scalp and the beard – I’m so sorry. I just noticed it was aunt Mabel Sue from Arkansas.  Hi aunt Mabel Sue, hi!  Why is she running back? She didn’t even notice me, that unfriendly hussy.  Besides she has no fashion sense.

Only yours truly, Eduardo Hancho Pancho Gerard Bove has any fashion common sense.  Here’s  a taste of the fashion styles for 2013.

Eduardo Hancho Pancho

Christmas Collection

And for common sense home attire:

At Home Collection

Casual Home Collection

Finally, for the sporty types:

Sports Fashion Collection

Sports Fashion Collection

Is that funny enough my loving daughter?  What? You say you want a name change and to be put up for adoption!  But you are 25 years old my darling sweet pea.

Well that shut her up.

Anz thiz iz Eduardo Hancho Pancho Gerard Bove zaying zo long from zee Milan Fazhion unz Munzter Truckz Zhow – Yaz! Zzzzzzzzzzz