AI vs Y2K

Terminator2

If you follow news like I do, you’ve probably read or heard about the dangers of AI – Artificial Intelligence.  There are dire warnings, just like there was with Y2K.  Yes many of you reading this were kids then, but it was some heavy duty stuff man.  Yea dude, computers shutting down or reverting back to the stone age releasing nuclear holocaust, shutting off water pumps, snack vending machines, and failing to record Married with Children.  It was an apocalypse of biblical proportions.  Then January 1, 2000 rolled around and not even a single issue arose, except a massive hangover and empty bank accounts.  Now this disaster film in the making was brought to us by computer geeks, just as AI is today.  So how much do you trust the warnings of AI?

Today I read that a company is using AI to park your AI self driving auto with an AI self valet robot.  Wow, that means never having to tip the valet.  But I say your AI car should be able to park the car and then retrieve it automatically, putting the AI Valet out of business. If we are going all out on the future, let’s cut off all unnecessary industries and people, like programmers.  Just think of it, AI can do all the coding and prevent geeks from hacking their own code and getting multi-million dollar security contracts where the key interview question is, “How did you hack the DNC dude? Cooool!”  AI can even do a reverse-ransomware on the geek and steal all their code and disable their computer  with the “HaHaY2K-JokesOnYouDude” virus.  Hopefully if there is a robot vacuum in their home it can be hacked to give the SOB a wedgie in the 3rd degree.

AI has given us such a better life, like when you press “Exit” from a software program and you get “Are you sure?”  Uh yes, I’m sure so I select “Yes”.  “Are you sure you are sure?”  WTH?  This is the moment everyone in the neighborhood hears you cursing your machine.  Then there’s the predictive sentencing in my cell phone, where you type “What’s zup?” and it types “Do you want to see me naked?”  WTH????  I assume this is how Weiner dude (aka Carlos Danger) got into trouble early.

Then there’s the smart appliances, like a refrigerator that can diagnose an alien abduction pregnancy, and flip an omulet while you refill your glass with a properly mixed Mai Tai, shaken but not stirred.  Have you noticed that an AI Pooper Scooper doesn’t exist? That’s because if it really was intelligent it’d say “Hell no, you pick that up, it’s your $#%&*! dog’s $#%^! Get Fido to fetch you a bag you lazy #$%#^!”  Why do they call it a SmartPhone?  Very few talk on them because you can’t hear the person on the other end, so we convert to typing with thumbs.  All it’s good for is changing our text and posting nude selfies without our permission, ask Carlos, he’ll tell you the truth.

I just finished watching “Alien: Covenant” and was highly disappointed that AI was the main theme of the destruction of the Alien series and the universe.  Here David went haywire when Y2K finally occurs in the year 2104 and he becomes a genetic engineer and bartender, unleashing perfect organisms upon everyone.  Maybe we can get AI actors, producers, etc, because I thought it was actually AI (Actually Ignorant) but the AI critics were all raving and tweeting #Revenge #Revenge #Resist #DownWithHumans.

Well that’s enough of my ranting on technology. I survived Y2K, so I’m not really concerned with AI, because one day an X class CME will arrive and we will all discover we are not covered in a Faraday cage.

“Did you mean to type Fart A Day Cage?”

Stupid technology.

Apocalypse Monthly – April 2013 Edition (The Password)

Apocalypse Monthly  Signs of the End of the Times

Apocalypse Monthly
Signs of the End of the Times

I am old enough to remember the world before the socially impersonal personal computer.  It was a sane world where the only password  needed was the one that gained you access to the guy’s doubly secret tree house (Soon to be the Man Club).  I think “Hate Girls” was the password that we used.  Once in, we looked at Playboy centerfolds that one of the members stole from their dad’s car.  Whoa, that’s not a girl, what is that?  We were doomed from that moment on, because everywhere we went we looked for bunnies in the real world.  They just don’t exist.  But I digress.

Fast forward 40 years and now you have so many applications, excuse me, we have so many apps, that we can’t remember the passwords to them.  You can’t use “Hate Girls” because it’s not very secure and Siri would file a hate crime charge against you.  Even PC’s have become PC.  Oh no, we have to add all kinds of things to our passwords, like three levels of our past history, such as our dog’s name, or the name of the first gross girl you kissed.

PuffyLips

Wendy Wobble Wips was her name – how the heck  could anyone forget her! I still have nightmares about that girl.  It’s  a miracle I’m married with children. Kissing her reminded me of being in a car wash. She became a full lip and facial masseuse.  But I digress again.

Then you start to run out of passwords, because you can’t use the same combo or near combo as the past 1,000,000 you just used.  So you look around the room or out the window for clues to your next password that no one can possibly hack.  Here’s a few from today’s password changes:

  1. BellyButtonLint2013
  2. DustBunny4321BlastOff
  3. WindyWendyWhipsWundabaWafflesWithWobbleWips!Q12TuvvWTH
  4. 1DeadDriedSpider
  5. SquirrelsPlayingWithNuts007
  6. SuxNextMensPurseCapris2

And this was just the password crap I had to go through to log into QuickBooks.  What the hell is so Quick about that?  Then my bank wants me to provide a picture that only I will know is my own.  So I provided the photo of Wendy above.  At least my brain will be shocked and possibly knocked back into password retrieval.

I was a consultant during Y2K, I ran test of people’s computers to determine if rolling over to “00” would reset history and kill current time and data. I was somewhat scared of being thrown back into the age of disco. I recall the doomsday press releases: nuclear annihilation, overrunning sewers, yada, yada.  Nothing happen.  I think someone farted and a few people died, but certainly no apocalypse.  Then the Mayan fart came along and yet again, nothing happened.  But I tell you, we are on an unsustainable app password course that will have dire consequences.  Well at least for this month, then I’ll have to reset the passwords to my other 150 applications, excuse me, apps.

Finally, I am reminded of the movie Network, where the guy rants and raves to tell people to run to their windows and scream to the world, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.” I imagine we are all carrying our computers, tablets and iSmarty phones and hurl them to their silicone deaths, with Siri screaming to the bitter concrete apocalyptic end, when we see the dawn of a new day and NewDayDawn04142013 becomes our password. For tomorrow it becomes WTF-IOWE-IRS-04152013.

What’s the most annoying app security you’ve witnessed?  Come on, share something here.  I won’t SPAM you – much.