I saw this article on Facebook today about bloggers.
So, to gain as much attention as possible I am writing this while dying. Why should I not get equal attention? This is Murica! But what am I dying of or died from? Hm….
- Cold Weather
- 3,000 Cable TV channel nothingness
- Hollywood comic book / reboot madness. Terminator T-10 and counting / Awesomely Amazing Amy and Spiderman Gone Girl.
- Tax season blues
- I helped my wife clean the house
- I lowered the toilet seat
- Took out the trash
That’s just a few that have the most realistic probability of occurring. But that doesn’t attract readers and followers, I must… be… creative.
- I’ve had 28,000 lovers (had to outscore Wilt Chamberlain) and died from exhaustion, even though that calculates to sex every 20 minutes. What a lovely way to go.
- I won the Publishers Cleared Home $7 a week prize for life contest!!! I died of a heart attack, but have a Sport Illustrated Swimsuit edition to line the coffin.
- Brian Williams and I scaled the north face of Everest. He survived to tell the tale, but gave me no credit. What a pal!
Well, it turns out I am not as creative as I thought. I suppose it is because I love life and love to hear people laugh. It’s not about me all the time. I don’t need 100,000 blog followers (at least yet) to obtain daily affirmation. I have a mirror for that and an image of Stuart Smalley running around my brain. You’re special and dog gone it, people like me.
I feel sorry for those in this world that suffer from loneliness and depression. Writing and conversing with others brings me up and I learn from it was well. I have many simple philosophies in life:
- Commit one single act of kindness per day.
- Give attention to someone speaking.
- Find ways to live and learn filling every day with as much as possible.
We live in a very harsh period of human history where technology can lift you up or tear you down quickly, depending if you are honest and sincere, or just plain narcissistic.
I write because I love to and most of my humor writing is inspired by Dave Barry, who is self deprecating and simply takes real world news and blows it out of proportion, with a little scent of satire splashed in to make you think. If you ever read me in woeful mood here, just digitally slap the crap out of me, I’m not the only one in this world with problems. I promise I’ll pull my big boy pants up and get a grip or seek professional help. Then I’ll be right back to tell you all about it.