My daughter is now on a kick to see how I can create humor around photos. For us aging men, there has always been a deep and daily thought on what would happen if we were stranded on an island and had only two choices of who to be stranded with. That’s right, the philosophical conundrum of – Ginger or Mary Ann?
I can settle this quickly. Without a doubt Mary Ann. Why you ask?
Mary Ann is a farmer’s daughter who set out on a three hour tour and wound up ship wrecked on Mulligan’s Isle with yours truly, the accountant. Yeah, yeah, I know there was no accountant on the ship, but it’s my fantasy, so let me have fun. It’s tax season for crying out loud. Besides none of you ever questioned the absurdity of a filthy rich millionaire and movie star taking a low budget trolling tour. It makes more sense for a tight-wad CPA. Producers canned the idea stating a CPA character would have sunk the Minnow in the pilot episode. Well, they never met me.
Mary Ann is a farmer, so she is used to hard work and living off the land. This means she will devise a way to make coconuts into something edible. She’s been couped up in the hen house for most of her life and now she’s trapped there with me. For the sake of my minor aged readers, I’ll stop here. But since I’ve never truly understood the meaning of “Farmer’s Daughter”, I assume world championship rodeo is involved. YEE HAW!
Had it been Ginger the “Movie Star”, of Rodeo Drive, she would have been immediately worried about her cuticles, hair, and her 50 Coach bags. She’d be barking out orders like a super model pit bull on Red Bull. She would most likely be an “experienced” lady of Lola LaLa Land, and have been around the island a few times, if you get my sea weed drift. Besides I saw her video on TMZ not intentionally wanting it to go public (wink, wink.) Any time she wanted something she’d go into acting mode; strutting towards you, while you sing a Bob Seger tune in your head, winking and whispering, “Oh dawling could you fix me some fish?” Nope, she would be first to go over board.
Mary Ann would have already caught dinner for two, had it fried in a pan, and never, ever let me forget I was a man. YEE HAW! Besides, who wants to go the beach with a woman that has a $5,000 Fendi evening gown on? Mary Ann’s running around the place with beautiful flowing brunette hair and tanned skin, with faded worn out denim short-shorts and a thinning plaid shirt tied above the naval base, calling out for invasion. Grrrrrr… Woof Woof! Sorry I can only hold back the animal inside me for a while. Am I right, or am I right?
She’s also a enterprising woman, willing to do back breaking work, while I sip on Pina Colada’s and count the coconut inventory(my only job as chief beach bum.) She made a moonshine still too! It doesn’t take a professor for this smart country gal. She also made a wooden railroad on the island so that I could take a daily trip to Petticoat Junction. Hey, it’s my fantasy island! Again, you never questioned how the Minnow could carry so much stuff, like luggage, for a three hour tour. Was Ginger giving a fashion show?
Now for a sing along:
Just sit right back and I’ll tell a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a skinny silly man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Six passengers set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
The ocean bellowed and the ocean swayed,
Someone sabotaged the tiny ship,
If not for the courage of the devious CPA
Mary Ann would be lost, Mary Ann would be lost.
The ship set ground on the shore of a deserted fruity isle
No Skipper or Scooby Doo,
No millionaire and his wife,
No movie star,
No professor, just
Here on Mulligan’s Isle.
Oh what a fantasy! That’s when some little short runt would come running by screaming “Boss, De Plane, De Plane!” and a cruise whip wrecks just right off the reef, with thousands of people from the geriatric Love Boat come swimming my way wearing bikinis, thongs and speedos. This is where my fantasy runs ashore on the wind swept plains of Oklahoma.
As you can see I would not make a great erotic author. Fantasy islands have too many tourist and are overly commercial. We only had 3 channels growing up. Today we have 3,000. There’s more material now for absurd fantasy than ever before.
Get busy writing!