Golf Indigestion – March 2013 Edition (White Gangsta Golfers)


Golf Indigestion
The Monthly Journal

I have never understood the fascination with the hip-hop world, especially white boys pretending to have rhythm and ghetto swagger.  If you feel I am wrong about this, please watch this.

Are you still confused?  What about Justin Bleeber, or whatever he is?  You all should know by now that am an aging man in my 50’s. I was part of the disco era and I cannot dance to disco music, no matter how hard I tried. I’d be out on the floor sweating to death, while all my black friends were doing amazing acrobatic things, while wearing 10″ high-dive platform heels on, and not breaking a droplet of sweat.  And that was just my black male friends.

I grew up just wanting to be good at golf.  The course is where you went for peace and solitude, not some MTV after school special.  But just like dancing, I suck big time at golf. Can you imagine the country club that let these guys in?  Here’s a sample from some your favorite golf course theme songs, sung and danced to by the Whitey Tighty Uptighties:

  1. Augusta da Busta, with a nuclear golf cart thrusta.
  2. Pebble Beach, were your shotz makz um hollerz and screechz.
  3. Pine Valley,  where da ladies in da galley start screamin for da rally.
  4. The Congressional, the confessional, where the politicians are pretenders 2B professional.
  5. Spook Rock, whatta crock, I can’t use my cart, so I haffa walk.

Well you get the point, it just doesn’t sound right, no matter how you slice or shank it.  Just as some guy who named his business Vanilla Mocha Construction Company.  It seems to me that the real art today is just to see who can be more absurd with fashions, rhymes and dance routines.  Whatever happened to white boys wanting to be caddy’s as a means to advancing their career aspirations?  And what the heck ever happened to rock?  Speaking of the good old days, here’s a Journey back in time:

Oh how I love the OMG (Oh My Groin) moment of that movie. If you look closely to Rodney Dangerfield, you will have a pretty good idea of how bad a dancer I am, well, and the golfing too. Ditch diggers?  Naw, today they want to all be rap, idol, and dancing wit da stars stars, even on the course.  It’s enough to give someone Golf Indigestion.


For the Love of my Daughter


My daughter believes my blog needs a little less dash of bacon and more dashes of fashion.  She gave me this photo and challenged me to write something humorous about it.  Where can I possibly start?  For once I was almost speechless, well, fingerless since this is a blog.  I think this was PhotoShopped, PhotoHijacked, or something. Well, for the love of my daughter here is my best attempt at fashion humor.

Zis is Eduardo Hancho Pancho Gerard Bove reporting live from zee Milan Fazhion unz Munzter Truckz Zhow.  Today we have zum unique fazhionz to dizplay to zee wurld – Yaz! Oh my wurdz, hold zee phonzee, here’s come zee muzt unzeexpected entry zis yur. (Okay enough of the Mexican Austrian French accent – it isn’t working for me.)

Surely Shirley the Wookie wouldn’t be caught dead on the streets of ole Gay Paris with this outfit.  I mean really, look at those knobby knees, puhleeeze!  And that terribly silly ball bag, look at the color clash with her Romanesque style sandals.  Besides, you lay down the bag and it rolls away. Designers these days!

And that dress! Gag me with a forklift, it looks like a beat down Idaho potato sack bag from Caddy Shack running away on the runway.  Even Cat’s won’t tolerate this on their catwalk.


Caddy Shack Cat Attack on Tacky Catwalk
Tacky Model Hack in Caddy Shack Idaho Potato Sack

See, I paid attention to Dr. Seuss’ therapy sessions – “I like green eggs and ham,” said Sam I am.  Yet, I digress as usual.  Dr. Seuss said I had ODD.

Finally look at the horrible necklace, she might as well use it as a noose, or binding for the hay on the farm.  Other than that, that’s my fashionista’s best review. Oh the face, the scalp and the beard – I’m so sorry. I just noticed it was aunt Mabel Sue from Arkansas.  Hi aunt Mabel Sue, hi!  Why is she running back? She didn’t even notice me, that unfriendly hussy.  Besides she has no fashion sense.

Only yours truly, Eduardo Hancho Pancho Gerard Bove has any fashion common sense.  Here’s  a taste of the fashion styles for 2013.

Eduardo Hancho Pancho

Christmas Collection

And for common sense home attire:

At Home Collection

Casual Home Collection

Finally, for the sporty types:

Sports Fashion Collection

Sports Fashion Collection

Is that funny enough my loving daughter?  What? You say you want a name change and to be put up for adoption!  But you are 25 years old my darling sweet pea.

Well that shut her up.

Anz thiz iz Eduardo Hancho Pancho Gerard Bove zaying zo long from zee Milan Fazhion unz Munzter Truckz Zhow – Yaz! Zzzzzzzzzzz