Today is Valentine’s Day. A day where we men will spend billions on candy, flowers, lingerie and giant teddy bears. Only the retailers and dentists really get the economic boost for this day, while our 401(k)’s take a nose dive. What do we men get other than the once a year 5-minute Victoria’s Secret lingerie show? Nada, Nee, Nie, Non, Nai, Ma, Tidak, Nera, Niet, Naaka Vaddu, Yok, Khong, and Zippo (For all my international readers). It’s time someone created a day of deeply passionate love just for men. Yours truly has found the answer and “Bacon Day” fits the bill. We men, being simple cell organisms, don’t need any flowers or teddy bears, we need bacon. Bacon, bacon and more bacon, with a dash of bacon.
Think of all the pig farmers, now living in economic hard times, who would now be our newest billionaires. Women would salivate for “50 Slabs of Bacon“, the new yummy mummy errorotic (sic) movie starring Kevin Bacon as, well, as Kevin Bacon – the bacon tycoon. Gives a whole new meaning to “Makin Bacon.” Think of all the heart doctors and cholesterol drug makers who will also be makin bacon from bacon, not that they aren’t already.
My point is simple, marketers aren’t real bright. We can spur the economy overnight with Bacon Day. Think of all the healthy mens teeth if we had bacon flavored floss. Start off your morning with a bacon coffee latte, or the new muy macho bacon mocha from the new BaconBucks franchises. How about Bacon Bluebonnet Butter? You already know the jingle, sing it with me:
with bacon butter on it!
By the end of the day, the man of the household will be wolfing down bacon flavored Tums antacids. For serious bacon connoisseur lovers, there’s bacon favored Fleet Colonoscopy Prep. Clear the colon quickly and keep shoveling the bacon down.
Finally, instead of that Victoria’s Secret lingerie show, get your lovely lady to slip on Big Bollocks Bobby’s Bacon Bustier. Order today and we’ll throw in a second pair free – while quantities last, these perishable bacon beauties perish quickly. The little lady in your life will be amazed at your rejuvenated and voracious passion. Oh my! Now that’s something we men can really sink our teeth into and then crash to the sweet bye and bye of bacon dreams.
Why do I have to do all the thinking America? Wake up and smell the bacon! Have a very Happy Bacon Day!
Now it is your turn, how can you top off the bacon day gift ideas? Come on, our nation needs all the economic recovery ideas it can get.