Well we’ve come to the close of another year. Another year chock full of the absurdity of humans. So let’s count down the top absurdities voted on in a poll of randomly selected readers [Me]. You can even read my past social commentary at the very time the absurdity occurred.
#1 – Miley Vyrus Twerks, Pokes, and Tokes
You read it right. A former good girl, inspiration and mentor to many young gals, goes twerky, jerky and bizerky between bong blasts. She came in on a wrecking ball to adore you. Just watch out for her foam finger, its been places, if you know what I mean! If you do, don’t pull it! Who knows what song and video that will lead to in 2014.
#2 North West is Born [June 27th]
Baby naming took a new path south, or north, depending on your last name. Some named their kids Cheese, Blip, Ajax, Kiwi, Kazz, Kinzly, and a host of other absurd names all in the hopes of being unique amongst the others trying to be unique, which makes none of them unique, actually. But keep trying, we need a good laugh.
#3 Harlem Shake
Not to be outdone by the “twerk” gave birth to the Harlem Shake. I’m predicting the Thwongamotion will be the top song, dance and merchandising sensation of 2014. It’s a combination of twerking in a thong. Fans will be yelling
“Oh man, that’s so thwong!”
No elaboration is necessary, as no one would read the 2,600 pages to point out the absurdities. You can just take your pick of the clowns from dysfunction junction. We found $600 million to spend on a website from Canadian contractors, $38,000 for congressional portraits, but zero funds to fix the patch needed on my street. They’ve run the country’s credit card to $17 trillion and gave themselves a raise. If this is not the definition of absurd, then I give up.
All year I had been reading about the Comet of the Century, ISON. It never showed. Appears it didn’t survive a pass near the sun. Then there was a meteor that scientists say is from Mars, while at the same time touting a mission to Mars. Is it just me, but are scientist actually now engaged in marketing their exploration plans? How in the world, or the universe, can one say a piece of rock came from Mars? Where they standing there when it was hit and followed it to our surface? If that’s the case, I have land with a swamp, the swamp water came from Mars polar region. Just trust me!
#6 Wedding Color Crime
A couple got into an argument over the color scheme of the wedding and the husband to be, got stabbed. Well that’s a fair trade! I KID YOU NOT! Read here Well at least they saved themselves the emotional pain and expense of a divorce. This should play well into my Female Code and Man Club posts for 2014. Bridezilla’s strike again.
#7 Google Glasses [May 20th]
I love technology, but come on! You truly can’t find your way to the restaurant around the corner? You need glasses to tell you when to turn left, then right? Passwords are enough to drive us all insane, so let’s get more technology, like a telephone watch! [April 10th] Well then, if you are still on board, I’m here to sell you the iMrRoboto line.
#8 Shades of Character Obsessions [Sep 9th]
When you read the news you cannot help but read the “beautiful people” or “trends” sections. This is where we learn that people get so upset over the actors and actresses selected to play characters from a book. Some so upset they send death threats. It’s make believe folks! This is why they should cast stars with bags over their heads, so that the viewers can transpose their ideas over the bag. However, if any skin showed, people would still complain, “That ain’t the way I thought that tat would appear!!!!” As an author you just can’t win!
“His shirt wasn’t that blue in the book!!!”
#9 Delivery Drones [December 3rd]
Today’s news was about all the packages that were not delivered, due to ice and last minute shopper procrastination. At first I though delivery drones was a completely absurd idea. Not anymore! FedEx needs a complete fleet of FedEx Flinger Drones to fling off on your doorsteps in 2014. UPS needs the UPyours Drone. Just leave all the marketing and logistics to me.
#10 This Blog
Seriously, wasn’t this the most absurd thing you’ve read all year? But if you can’t get enough, there are 219 humor posts, in total, on this blog and many more coming in 2014.
In all seriousness, I wish each and everyone of you a healthy and prosperous New Year. Take time to love, learn and most of all – LAUGH. Without laughter we could not survive this absurd thing called life. Thanks for following and commenting. Ya’ll come back now, ya hear!