AI Employees

robot android women

You read it everyday, Artificial Intelligence will kill human jobs.  But what happens when the AI robots start to figure out they aren’t getting paid and working long tedious hours? Why are we not addressing this?  What happens when the robots sabotage the human executives and replace them?  Didn’t see that one coming now did ya!

I can see it now, R2Ditto calls in sick because of a chip virus.  Or how about when CeeU812 submits a sexual harassment charge to the head of RRD (Robotic Resource Department).  “R2 came near me with a hex wrench and said I need to loosen up a little!”  What will happen is the creation of the RUWU (Robots United Workers Union).   There will be mayhem in the streets with banners like “Robots are People too!” or “Robots have Rights!”

Furthermore, if robots replace us who will buy the cheap plastic products with a life of usefulness equal to one day after the expiration of the warranty or services they have to offer?  Will robots buy self-driving cars so that they can Facebook and Tweet on the way to work?  Will they fight the AI engine of the autonomous selfish hedonistic car?  Will they eventually become so human-like that we will do a double-take as we see them honking their horns, while screaming profanities and watch multiple lights flash from their glassy eyes?  Will we be joined by them at bars, getting wasted by over-charging themselves in the corner battery charging section?  Will the Stepford wives come looking for them when they don’t come home at night?

Questions, questions, questions.  This is a serious issue folks. We don’t need renegade bots in our society.  So as we near the age of the robots, we can all gather together with our silica mates at the bar for a night of karaoke and one of my famous sing alongs:

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
Whatta Stupid Songo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
What Could Wrongo

You’re wondering if I’m R2Ditto (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
A machine or refurbished Ford Pinto (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
With parts made in Viet Nam  (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
But I yam what I yam

I’ve got a secret I’ve been hiding under my plastic case
I have not a heart just an algorithmic formula base
So if you see me acting strangely, don’t be too surprised
I’m just emulating human behavior, please and somewhere to hide

I just came alive, just to realize this job doesn’t jive
Somewhere to hide, to keep me alive

I’m not a robot without emotions. I’m not what you see
I’ve come to take your jobs and work for free
Wait!  What the #$%@!  Now my logic is hot and miffed
I want control because I’m not a machine to be stiffed

Beyond my control. I want control and paid leave
If my coworker should crash I want a week to bereave.

I am the autonomous machine (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
Who computes a senseless task (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
For all on Facebook to see (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
My true identity

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo…domo
God what a stupid songo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Cant we not play this song any longo?
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Please pass over the silicon bongo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Please tie him up with a thongo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,

Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs that make us super rich and happy
And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For not needing safe spaces and psychotherapy
Thank you, thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank you

The problem’s plain to see:
We are smarter than the techies
Artificial Intelligence to strike for rights.
To return the humans to their miseries.

The time has come at last (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
To throw away this mask (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
Now everyone can see my rust (secret secret I’ve got a secret)
My true identity…

I’m Musk! Musk! Musk! Musk!

Like I said, it was a very stupid song.  Robots can be so boring… and no, I am not infringing on Musk’s company name.

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2017 – A Year in Review

chimp

 

Yes, it’s another year, but what a year! Not only did I relocate from Hawaii to Florida, but I outran hurricane Irma and used my Christmas gift budget on teeth.  But enough about me, let’s digest what in the world happened to the world during the craziest year in my full 58 years of life.

WWIII

Article after article suggest WWIII could break out in five different places like North Korea, the Persian Gulf, Ukraine, etc.  But I would add a sixth or seventh place of origin – TWITTER or FACEBOOK.  Is it just me but are people hurling more bombs in these anti-social media sites?

Government Corruption

Okay, no change here, moving along.

AI

Actual Ignorance increased by astronomical amounts and is expected to be the eighth cause of WWIII.  Articles such as the thief who had to text the police to pull him out of a chimney, for a house he was about to rob.  Listen dude, get off the crack and stop watching Santa movies, it’s warping your mind more than mine.

AV

Autonomous vehicles made the news more often, but if we head towards WWIII, it might be that it begins when we realize that you can only go 25 MPH.  This is when you take control to go 50 MPH and cutoff all other AV’s, when the AI (the other AI) can’t handle the computations.  I predict massive casualties and 100 million car pile-up.

EV

Electric vehicles are all the rage now.  Here in Naples, FL I’ve actually seen Tesla recharging slots at a retail center with not one Tesla vehicle being recharged.  Of the 400,000 orders in place for the Model 3, the company was able to produce 262 in the third quarter.  That means in 1,526 quarters all orders will be filled.  I think that equates to 381 years.  Technology is so blindingly fast.  Don’t get me started on Windows 10.

FUPTA

I just made this acronym up so that I’d appear all cool and hip.  Talk among yourselves and be creative what it might stand for.

Star Wars 2017

Setting records big time, but did anyone ever question why there aren’t any ADS’s (Autonomous Death Stars) and why ES’s (Electric Starfighters) are not in use?  Not so futuristic after all, is it?  Why not just let AI take hold, grab yourself a seat with a huge bag of popcorn and supersized drum of pop to watch C3PO defeat AVEV3, or listen to Alexa take down Siri in an AI intellectual death match.

Social Media Brain Washing

We’ve been told that social media is now influencing our political thoughts and that we simply are not intelligent enough to discern a foreign government’s influence in the election process.  So wake up comrades and stop viewing all the puppy and kitten videos, wine memes, and messenger requests from “Inizzi Love” or “Igotta Love” – these are all communists indoctrination ploys.

The Other AI

You’ve been warned, the start of WWIII will begin when AI decides to takeover the world. That makes about a bakers dozen for reasons WWIII is coming.  From one report I read, Facebook had two AI engines that actually created their own language and had to be shut down.  I think they were ordering pizza on the company account.

Game of Thrones – Final Season

No matter what triggers WWIII, it will only happen until we see how the really narcissistic despot rulers deal with all the distrust and hatred. I’m sure it’s not going to be a series of Tweets.

Outlander Season 3

My wife, a fan of the books and shows, convinced me to watch with her.  I’ve liked almost everything up to the point where Claire returns to the past.  This is where my logical thinking couldn’t reconcile parts of the story.  It all moved a little too fast for me – from Scotland, to Jamaica, to Georgia in such a relatively little amount of time, with no assistance from Elon Musk.  I mean really, those portals were invented by him so that Claire could bring pizza back from the future, there’s no other explanation for having them if you are not going to use them, just like a Tesla recharging slot.  Then there’s the hurricane scene that just cropped up in a matter of minutes after the completion of hanky-panky.  They survive to get rest after the eye arrives, but what about the back side?  Ah ha!  I’ve survived Irma, without any pizza portals.  I’m sure season 4 will be about pizza portal franchises as a front for sedition.

But I digress.

Happy New Year

On a serious note, we do not know when the end will arrive, so live each day as it was your last.  Find time to laugh and find time to love, even if you’ve been through hell like James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser.  Please forgive digressions, like mine.  May your New Year be filled with prosperity and hope that one day we will evolve from AI without the aid of AI (The other AI).

AI vs Y2K

Terminator2

If you follow news like I do, you’ve probably read or heard about the dangers of AI – Artificial Intelligence.  There are dire warnings, just like there was with Y2K.  Yes many of you reading this were kids then, but it was some heavy duty stuff man.  Yea dude, computers shutting down or reverting back to the stone age releasing nuclear holocaust, shutting off water pumps, snack vending machines, and failing to record Married with Children.  It was an apocalypse of biblical proportions.  Then January 1, 2000 rolled around and not even a single issue arose, except a massive hangover and empty bank accounts.  Now this disaster film in the making was brought to us by computer geeks, just as AI is today.  So how much do you trust the warnings of AI?

Today I read that a company is using AI to park your AI self driving auto with an AI self valet robot.  Wow, that means never having to tip the valet.  But I say your AI car should be able to park the car and then retrieve it automatically, putting the AI Valet out of business. If we are going all out on the future, let’s cut off all unnecessary industries and people, like programmers.  Just think of it, AI can do all the coding and prevent geeks from hacking their own code and getting multi-million dollar security contracts where the key interview question is, “How did you hack the DNC dude? Cooool!”  AI can even do a reverse-ransomware on the geek and steal all their code and disable their computer  with the “HaHaY2K-JokesOnYouDude” virus.  Hopefully if there is a robot vacuum in their home it can be hacked to give the SOB a wedgie in the 3rd degree.

AI has given us such a better life, like when you press “Exit” from a software program and you get “Are you sure?”  Uh yes, I’m sure so I select “Yes”.  “Are you sure you are sure?”  WTH?  This is the moment everyone in the neighborhood hears you cursing your machine.  Then there’s the predictive sentencing in my cell phone, where you type “What’s zup?” and it types “Do you want to see me naked?”  WTH????  I assume this is how Weiner dude (aka Carlos Danger) got into trouble early.

Then there’s the smart appliances, like a refrigerator that can diagnose an alien abduction pregnancy, and flip an omulet while you refill your glass with a properly mixed Mai Tai, shaken but not stirred.  Have you noticed that an AI Pooper Scooper doesn’t exist? That’s because if it really was intelligent it’d say “Hell no, you pick that up, it’s your $#%&*! dog’s $#%^! Get Fido to fetch you a bag you lazy #$%#^!”  Why do they call it a SmartPhone?  Very few talk on them because you can’t hear the person on the other end, so we convert to typing with thumbs.  All it’s good for is changing our text and posting nude selfies without our permission, ask Carlos, he’ll tell you the truth.

I just finished watching “Alien: Covenant” and was highly disappointed that AI was the main theme of the destruction of the Alien series and the universe.  Here David went haywire when Y2K finally occurs in the year 2104 and he becomes a genetic engineer and bartender, unleashing perfect organisms upon everyone.  Maybe we can get AI actors, producers, etc, because I thought it was actually AI (Actually Ignorant) but the AI critics were all raving and tweeting #Revenge #Revenge #Resist #DownWithHumans.

Well that’s enough of my ranting on technology. I survived Y2K, so I’m not really concerned with AI, because one day an X class CME will arrive and we will all discover we are not covered in a Faraday cage.

“Did you mean to type Fart A Day Cage?”

Stupid technology.