If you follow news like I do, you’ve probably read or heard about the dangers of AI – Artificial Intelligence. There are dire warnings, just like there was with Y2K. Yes many of you reading this were kids then, but it was some heavy duty stuff man. Yea dude, computers shutting down or reverting back to the stone age releasing nuclear holocaust, shutting off water pumps, snack vending machines, and failing to record Married with Children. It was an apocalypse of biblical proportions. Then January 1, 2000 rolled around and not even a single issue arose, except a massive hangover and empty bank accounts. Now this disaster film in the making was brought to us by computer geeks, just as AI is today. So how much do you trust the warnings of AI?
Today I read that a company is using AI to park your AI self driving auto with an AI self valet robot. Wow, that means never having to tip the valet. But I say your AI car should be able to park the car and then retrieve it automatically, putting the AI Valet out of business. If we are going all out on the future, let’s cut off all unnecessary industries and people, like programmers. Just think of it, AI can do all the coding and prevent geeks from hacking their own code and getting multi-million dollar security contracts where the key interview question is, “How did you hack the DNC dude? Cooool!” AI can even do a reverse-ransomware on the geek and steal all their code and disable their computer with the “HaHaY2K-JokesOnYouDude” virus. Hopefully if there is a robot vacuum in their home it can be hacked to give the SOB a wedgie in the 3rd degree.
AI has given us such a better life, like when you press “Exit” from a software program and you get “Are you sure?” Uh yes, I’m sure so I select “Yes”. “Are you sure you are sure?” WTH? This is the moment everyone in the neighborhood hears you cursing your machine. Then there’s the predictive sentencing in my cell phone, where you type “What’s zup?” and it types “Do you want to see me naked?” WTH???? I assume this is how Weiner dude (aka Carlos Danger) got into trouble early.
Then there’s the smart appliances, like a refrigerator that can diagnose an alien abduction pregnancy, and flip an omulet while you refill your glass with a properly mixed Mai Tai, shaken but not stirred. Have you noticed that an AI Pooper Scooper doesn’t exist? That’s because if it really was intelligent it’d say “Hell no, you pick that up, it’s your $#%&*! dog’s $#%^! Get Fido to fetch you a bag you lazy #$%#^!” Why do they call it a SmartPhone? Very few talk on them because you can’t hear the person on the other end, so we convert to typing with thumbs. All it’s good for is changing our text and posting nude selfies without our permission, ask Carlos, he’ll tell you the truth.
I just finished watching “Alien: Covenant” and was highly disappointed that AI was the main theme of the destruction of the Alien series and the universe. Here David went haywire when Y2K finally occurs in the year 2104 and he becomes a genetic engineer and bartender, unleashing perfect organisms upon everyone. Maybe we can get AI actors, producers, etc, because I thought it was actually AI (Actually Ignorant) but the AI critics were all raving and tweeting #Revenge #Revenge #Resist #DownWithHumans.
Well that’s enough of my ranting on technology. I survived Y2K, so I’m not really concerned with AI, because one day an X class CME will arrive and we will all discover we are not covered in a Faraday cage.
“Did you mean to type Fart A Day Cage?”