Never Too Late to Learn Banjo

I haven’t written in a while, because I moved to Hawaii from Oklahoma because of its proximity to Arkansas.  No not really, I just wanted a change of scenery and to get closer to El Nino.  I haven’t been in good humor, because I thought El Nino was some fruity concoction similar to my beloved Mai Tai.  El Nino is merely a sultry hot day in paradise.  So I needed some inspiration for humor and writing.  Luckily there is always Farcebook.

One of my son’s friend posted a comment on Farcebook that deserved immediate feedback such as,

“I think I should have learned to play the banjo.”

That’s it, that’s all he wrote.  Now who in the world writes such a statement without further clarification?  So I inquired if he was planning retirement in the Ozarks. His reply was priceless and ripe for me and his other friends to pile on, my favorite thing in life.  His reply,

“No, it’s because chicks love banjo players.”

Oh really?  So I inquired further,

“Hairless or toothless?”

He did not reply immediately, so I guess this provided a moment for deep thought, also one of my favorite things in life.  His friends started to further pile on, providing pictures from the movie “Deliverance”.  One suggested he add the harmonica.  I suggested he add a washboard to complete his one man band sensation.

He came back later and added, “Spoons.” That’s it.

To which I replied, “Well that’s just plain sick.”

One of his friends then supplied a picture of an Ozark banjo groupie named “Slingblade Sally.” Get a load of this beauty.

No wonder he had a hard time responding to me, he likes both hairless and toothless.  But I was skeptical of the photo, thinking it might be a male impersonator or Caitlyn Jenner without makeup, but I was wrong, this is sweet Sally on a good day, with makeup.  Sally loves to sing and spit along, while hop skip dancing in an endless circle around the Banjo player of her affection.  Her favorite tune is Hillbilly Ham and Cheese Samwich, Mmm Hmm.  Here’s a taste of the lyrics:

I love me some Hillbilly Ham and Cheese Samwich, Mmm Hmm
I love me some Hillbilly Ham and Cheese Samwich, Mmm Hmm
I love me some Hillbilly Ham and Cheese Samwich, Mmm Hmm
I put a mater in da midder, Mmm Hmm
But I really like them french taters and catsuppy gators, Mmm Hmm.

I love me some Hillbilly Ham and Cheese Samwich, Mmm Hmm
I love me some Hillbilly Ham and Cheese Samwich, Mmm Hmm
I love me some Hillbilly Ham and Cheese Samwich, Mmm Hmm
I love me some banjo players in da midder of da murnin, Mmm Hmm
I squeal with them now and play with them later, Mmm Hmm

I love me some Hillbilly Ham and Cheese Samwich, Mmm Hmm

Never give a writer with a Monty Python warped sense of imagination with anything to play off of – EVER.  Welcome to immortality Daniel.

Absurd? You betcha, Mmm Hmm.

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