Fleeting Moments

I read a blog today of a lady’s unexpected health problem and the fear she is now experiencing.  I understand completely her fears, not knowing the answer is the most difficult part.  One can deal with a diagnosis, good or bad, we can move on, make plans and get busy living with the time we have left.  In 2008, I came down with the flu really bad.  So bad I developed vertigo.  I was so dizzy I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t see, and I couldn’t type.  The latter issue being the worst because it was smack dab in the beginning of tax season.  My livelihood depended upon being able to crunch numbers and place them in tax software.  When the vertigo didn’t cease I had to go through all the tests including a CT scan to determine the presence of tumors.  This is when mortal fear sets in and you realize you just might be seeing your life flash before you.  Luckily for me, after a few more tests, it was determined a nerve from my ear to my brain was irreparably damaged and the only course of action was to retrain my brain with exercises for the eyes to takeover the equilibrium mechanism. After 8 months of therapy, my equilibrium was restored.  I’m one of the lucky ones, or maybe my prayers were answered, just not in the time I expected them to be. I believe in the power of prayer, I’ve seen its power for others and for myself, more than once.

One of my clients, an orthopedic surgeon in the same town, had a similar issue but it attacked his central nervous system and he lost the majority of his motor functions.  He lost his ability to work and was burdened by a daily expensive cocktail of drugs to make life bearable.

It was about that time that the economy took another dive.  This being the fourth one in my adult life.  It is moments such as these that you reconsider life as you know it.  Those things we’ve chased only to be outrun, or run over by them.  Time is all I have and its quantity is unknown.  When desires and people waste that time, it takes your mind to a new realm.  A realm where life is not taken for granted, and that money and social acceptance are unworthy goals.  This year my wife and I went to Hawaii, the island of Kauai.  For those of you who are spiritual, a visit to Hawaii is a blessing to all your senses.

We took a drive to Kalalau lookout.  That day the Pacific and the sky were one color, as though eternity stood before me.  I felt as though I was in the presence of God.  It was at that moment all my anxieties of the future were released.

KalalauLookOut1-1

 

On our last day of discovery we took a dinner cruise where we stood at sea level looking back up 4,000 feet at the point I described above.  There I had the same reaction – blissfully awed and at peace, with the sound of rushing water providing a calming rhythm.  I was brought back to a time 34 years ago when I climbed the 8,000 foot summit of Guadalupe Peak in Texas, where I sat down alone and viewed west Texas and Mexico to the south, with only the sound of wind and the sights of earth and sky as my companion.  I also recall that same peace, only to forget it later from the demands of family and career over the next three decades.  How did it go by so quickly?

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So what is my point?  We search our entire lives for seemingly unattainable goals.  You reach a salary point, and then you want more. Then in the flash of a second you can be forced into a sober analysis of the path you were taking.  You step back and look at all the trinkets you’ve obtained made from the resources of this remarkable planet, realizing none of it truly was what you wanted, but thought were supposed to have. We plunge ourselves into ultimate driving machines with ultimate debt, and even reconstruct our own bodies to cheat mortality.  But as it has been said wisely, “He who dies with the most toys, is still dead.”

My health issue was a moment of rebirth, the answer that all my 2-year and 5-year plans were absolutely absurd. So I am selling everything I own and looking to live the remaining years more on the minimalist side, down-sizing to what a man and wife really need – basic shelter and the environment to rejuvenate our body and soul.  For me it is not about the quantity of my life, but the quality.  When I stood at the Kalalau lookout, I was at peace with myself and if God truly wanted to take me, I was ready.  We live in an age where belief in the unseen is mocked.   My trials and tribulations have only made my faith stronger and I am unashamed of admitting it.  It lead me to write my mythological trilogy and the upcoming series to complete my mythology of good and evil, faith, and the simple things of life we take for granted, such as the sounds and sights of creation, and the peace  a moment spent alone in that surrounding can bring.

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Anti Social Media – Welcome to SneerBook

Why do they call it social media?  It’s all a lie.  Social media is just the politically correct way of saying it.  There are folks getting rich giving you a medium to post some really nasty stuff, you just hope you don’t get caught, well until today.  Welcome to SneerBook the first official anti social media.

SneerBook

SneerBook

 

That’s right, for only $19.95 per month you can get on SneerBook and be as obnoxious as  you want to be.  Are you sick and tired of all those icky sweet selfies?  You bet you are.  So join SneerBook today and post your most obnoxious sneer possible. Practice your condescending attitude on others, see how long your anti-friends list lasts.  Have the blast of your life.  Tired of reading how many dates with Mr. Wonderful your female friends are posting?  Simply click on the “Sneer” button and select from of list of sneers from your photo list, or select “Cattle Prod” to submit a socially disturbing jolt of electrically, or upload the Stuxnet virus.  We give you the tools to be as snarky as you want to be, we let you hijack friends list, or press the instant create clique button to block you.  We have it all.

Our next version will be spectacular with the first voice response system “Sniri” which you can use to create sardonic and sadistic algorithms to invade others  privacy and taunt them with posts like:

  1. “Your nude photo will be posted live at 12:00 am tonight”, and at 12:01 “Just kidding.”
  2. “Not that same high school picture again! Aren’t you 85 now?”
  3. “Okay, okay go to Hawaii already.  Disappear puhleeze!”

With release 2.0 we will introduce our new shorter version called “Swatter.”  Will give you 140 characters to say whatever anti social ideas come to your mind or to instantly dispense digital vigilante justice. Try to delete a Swat and it just replicates it to all your Swatters. How anti establishment can you get?!  We’ve thought of everything, but since you will desperately want to be a member and make us rich,  I’m sure you want to be proactive in our future features.  Simply click on the SneerBook anti-privacy feature so you can share your sneers with us and our advertisers.  We’ll post things you absolutely do not want so you have something to sneer about.  Click our user agreement disclosure, which you know you are too lazy to read, and select “I sneer at the world” as acceptance that there are no rules, it’s so anti, anti-social all the malcontents will be sharing with the rest of the dysfunctional world and we will have 750,000,000 members before New Years.

It’s time for something completely original and disturbingly honest – join SneerBook!!!

SneerBook

An Anti Social Subsidiary of
Big Bollocks Bobby Worldwide Enterprises Conglomerate Algamated, Inc, LLC

Big Bollocks Bobby

Big Bollocks Bobby Our Proud President

 

Legal Disclosure – I know you won’t read this, but this is satire.  You know… that stuff you see on SNL?  It is meant to be absurd.

I’ll Text to That!

I’ve finally given in.  I now text.  I hate it.  I do. SMH LOL I text. RU OK? I M OK. Sup? Dunno.

 

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My phone bill shows you made 162,000 texts this month!

 

Doesn’t anyone want to talk anymore?  Appears not.  I recall the miracle of Email as a reminder to clients to get me tax data.  Then they pretended not to receive it, so I flagged it with read receipt, which I’m sure they just deleted.  Then came cell phones and voice mail.  Except no one really wants to hear your scratchy recorded voice.  Then there’s that horrible pause in smartphones, it has become a waste of time.  All we are left with is the text and texting addicts.  You know them well, that obnoxious person in front of you at the red light, turned green, then yellow before they place their foot on the gas pedal and move on leaving you stranded – cursing and waving your arms in utter disgust, while you check your digital blood pressure reading.  You know what I am talking about.  You see it all the time.  Don’t tell me you just sit there and say,

Oh look, that lovely person in front of me is texting. I wonder what he is texting? I’m sure it’s important. Oh my, I guess I’ll have to sit through another red light.”

If you are, you need serious help – try #TextAddict.  As for me, I look like an Orangutan on Caffeine, arms all flailing about, rocking my car and screaming louder than the booming Rap tune going off next to me in the little Toyota, whose driver is giving me a dirty look for being so loud.  Yeah buddy, so what?  Karma dude, Karma.

Then there’s all this new technology which keeps you from having to worry about your driving.  You’ve seen the commercial with the guy thinking about everything in the world except his driving a 3,000 pound battering ram, with such profound questions like:

“Did I forget to turn off the coffee?”

“Did I wake my girlfriend up, without my wife knowing it?”

“What’s two plus two? Four, no three… crap.”

“OMG, I forgot to text.”

“Did I change my underwear? OMG, ewwww…. I didn’t”

This is why Google is developing the self driving car – so you can text and play your games at the same time.  In my day they called that mass transit.  I know, I know, I’m an old guy and I don’t get it.

Some people have said I am old-fashioned and don’t get technology.  Oh I get it, I was there when it all began.  I loved it until it dehumanized us.  Now we don’t want to leave the home for the fear of technology separation anxiety attacks. I’m sure kids text their moms, “Sup 4 Sup?” or text their dads “$$$$” simply understood as “Show me da money!“, even though the kid is sitting three feet away.  You see it on Facebook where people have captured the screen image of their text to share it with the world.  Sad just sad.

But here’s the tell-tale sign, logon to a news organization where people opine about items in the news.  Get ready to laugh or cry depending on your mood or intellect.  Americans do not know how to write any more.  Our texts and tweets are getting us into serious trouble.  You simply can’t post your nude photos to the cloud anymore. JLaw (whoever the hell that is) just said people who hack into her nude pictures are committing a sex crime. Jlaw… I say you distributed it with intent of someone viewing it, doesn’t that make you a purveyor of smut? Think about it. Senators and people in Congress can no longer Sext without being caught and gosh darn it, they don’t get reelected.  What is the world coming to?  All this technology is driving us apart and insane.

Don’t blame me – it’s addictive! $$$$

 

Now, if you’ll buy my books via a text order – I’ll text to that.  Cheers. IM4DAT.  OMG4400 Orders Daz Waz Sup.

Hey stop honking your horn at me, it’s important!

Absurd isn’t it?