I Must Be 55!

man-exercising

I haven’t done much writing or blogging as of late, because I’m planning on moving to Kauai, Hawaii to enjoy the time I have left on this absurd ball of revolving fun. Next week, I reach the age of 55.  I don’t dread it, instead I embrace life by attempting to approach its vulgarities with humor.  I am a product of the 1970’s with rock groups like Queen, Foreigner, Bread and others influencing my musical taste.  One group I loved was Montrose with little known musician Sammy Hagar.  With hard rock riffs like “Rock Candy” and “Make it Last”, I was a young head-banging air guitarist hero.  Well, in my own mind – I ROCKED!

Sammy left Montrose to go solo and during that period of time, the powers that be, dropped the speed limit to 55.  I’m from West Texas where the next closest town is 250 miles.  Do you know how excruciating it is to go 55 in West Texas?  I am sure Sammy drove this strip of scenery as his inspiration for his classic tune “I Can’t Drive 55.”

So without further delay I present to you my patented, copyrighted and trademarked sing along rendition of,

I MUST BE 55!

 

I’ve changed my diet but now I’m so full of gas, hey!
I take loads of fiber and I still can’t pass, no!
So I tried my best Viagra induced move
But my wife fell asleep and crushed my groove again! Oh man!
CHORUS:
Go on and write me prescription number 25
Pump me full of Cialis and Testosterone to keep me alive
Take another pill when I break out in hives!
I must be – 55! Oh No! Uh!
So I signed my name on number 24, hey!
My doctor smiled and said, “Boy, just one more
Your big ole ass is going to break your joints”
Looked me in the eye, said, “You get my points?”
I said “Yeah!, Oh yea!”
CHORUS II:
Go on and write me prescription number 25
Pump me full of Cialis and Testosterone to keep me alive
Take another pill when I break out in hives!
I must be – 55! Oh No! Uh!Oh, yea!I must be 55!
I must be 55!
I must be 55!
I must be 55!
I used to guzzle and slam down the beer.
Now I’m so heavy I have a bumper for a rear.
I used to work out for two hours and now takes all day.
Huh – It takes me 16 hours to color all the gray! Oh yay!
CHORUS:
Go on and write me prescription number 25
Pump me full of Cialis and Testosterone to keep me alive
Take another pill when I break out in hives!
I must be – 55! Oh No! Uh!No, no, no, I don’t want to be 55!
Stop mailing me the AARP Jive!
I MUST BE  – 55!

You may send well wishes (cash) if you enjoyed my little sing along.  Who knows what 56 will bring – stay tuned.

If you don’t know the beat and song I am referring to, YouTube will have you jamming and head banging.