Have you ever sat back and wondered how things are the way they are? Yes, I know that’s really deep without enough coffee, but give it thought every so often, it’s fun! For example, when did man discover marijuana? I discovered it in high school and ended it in early college. It was not my thing, but it still makes me wonder how the heck it was discovered and made a part of today’s inebriated state of life. Was it a burning bush that a caveman stood next to get warm and then realized – “DUDE! This is awesome!” Then he yells out to Unga, his wife, “Unga DUDE, come check this out!”
But as Unga appears the wind direction changes, Unga stands there warming herself while Ugga, her husband, is acting so strange eating twigs and dino droppings in an insatiable manner. “Okaaay, what’s so great about fire? We discovered fire many moons ago! Fire good, dino dingleberries, not good.”
Unga then clubs him up the backside of his head, “Snap out of it and fetch us a slab of Bronto BBQ, me Unga hungry.”
So Ugga goes hunting, missing his aim as he slowly comes off the high and then realizes he has a terrible case of the munchies and literally chases a dinosaur down on foot, basically inventing fast food. Yes, I know it is a stretch, but I’m the writer and imagineer here on this blog, and yes I am completely sober.
Ugga is seen burning bushes every day, even standing downwind to increase intake, while losing productivity in the field. Unga begins to club him daily, but to no avail, and then one day steps in front of the smoke, nagging Ugga until “boing” it catches on. Then the two develop a pipe and later a bong from a hollow dino horn. They invite their closest friends, Hunga and Bunga, along with Binga and Boinga, swedes – Inga and Svensturgonstut over for a bong party and the first block party is invented where they have a gay ole time and write out the basis for a comedy routine, the “Hempstones.”
Parties become a norm and there they sit around and delve into the origin of the species and invent the first smokeless chew, “Redeyeman”, followed by edibles “UngaBungaBudBrownies” and flavored coffees at “StarBuds.” Within years they open cave franchises and overharvest the plants, so they harvest the buds and go into horticulture, using GMO dino droppings to grow bigger and bigger plants, with stronger effect. As demand soars and supplies dwindle, foreigners from Arkantriassiac invade, lead by Billy Bob Bobinga, and war breaks out, albeit a very slow battle. Finally, an asteroid falls from the sky and wipes out the world.
A few million years later, modern men and women are now partaking in the same rituals at the Colorado Unga Bunga Inda Binga Bonga Festival. There they will talk about, well, I have no clue what they will talk about, but I am sure the word DUDE will be over utilized in the conversation. Some things never change. If you have ever seen the movie Dazed and Confused, it was about the doped up 70’s, of which I was raised. It is pretty accurate of the times. I prefer to stay to sober and write about such things, for there is so much material to pick from.
If you have your thoughts of the origin and evolution of marijuana, well DUDE, sound off, it should be an absurdly gay ole time. If you love my sense of humor send me a rack of Bronto Ribs as compensation. I work for food.