The Man Club – January 2014 (Candy Comment Rebuttal)

I follow many authors on Facebook.  Sometimes they inspire me to write and sometimes inspire me to comment on meme’s, photo’s, etc.  The following is a meme, provided by author and all around good sport Amalie Jahn posted on Facebook.

Candy

Now I ask you fellow man club members, is this really all we are in the eyes of the enemy, I mean… the lovely opposite sex?  Many years ago I went through marriage counseling, because I couldn’t figure my wife out at all.  In those sessions I learned that financial security is one of the very highest items in their well being.  So in rebuttal and armed with my growing knowledge of Photoshop I present to you the following:

Candy2

You see, perspective is a two-way street.  In 2013, we learned that women go ballistic over 50 Shades of Grey, about an other worldly gorgeous, endowed man that just so happens to be a billionaire to boot.  How convenient? Or there is Edward, not this Edward (club president and chief dictator), but the sparkling Edward, who is also gorgeous, sparkles, stands watch over Bella (the awkward stare Queen) sniffing in her scent, and drives a nice Volvo.

Amalie wondered why my rebuttal focused predominantly on financial matters.Well I don’t know, maybe because almost every love story depicts some woman being swept off their feet for a fantastical journey around the world, with some guy that happens to look like Fabio with a well endowed wallet, unworldly FICO score, and a billion dollar line-of-credit, and is willing to watch some chick flick like Mamma Mia and cry and dance along with them.

You never read stories of a truly sincere loving 5’5″ balding guy, with a beer gut, who owns a 1976 rusted Toyota pickup  (complete with 8-track and ABBA’s greatest hits) that’s parked outside by his 1975 Tradewinds double wide at Morning Dawns Trailer Park.  Why not!  We bowling ball shaped men need forcing, I mean… loving no differently than anyone else.

So then I read how men are being chained and whipped into submission, bound and forced to watch Twilight and The Help.  Men are calling 911 for assistance and getting injunctions against their wives and girlfriends.  Then they try to seduce us with candy hearts with devious subliminal messages that we are being intolerably insensitive and have only SEX on our mind.  You don’t see a male author writing 50 Shades of Kardashian, about an average bowling ball male being swept off by the Kardashian women – now do you?  That’s right, we are logical, analytical and sensical (not a word, well it should be!)  I rest my case.

So members, as you can see your dues to the club are used to counter the arguments that you are bunch of wussies all on board the wuss wuss train.  I’ve got your back as long as the $50 monthly dues keep rolling in.  Also remember our rule book

Section 66.1, Paragraph A – Just Listen!

“If your woman would rather talk than listen to your ABBA Greatest Hits collection, be prepared to pretend to listen.  Pry your eyes open with toothpicks if you must, and do not, even though your genetics scream to fix the situation, try to fix anything.  And if you are to be forced to watch some sappy flinging chick flick love story afterwards, do it with style and imagination.  I suggest a ceiling fan.”

Here is one of our club members who failed to follow the Man Club Code, aka The Book of Male Survival.

I know winter is tough men, but hang in there.  Spring will come soon and the freedom of the open air awaits.

Footnote – Thank you Amalie Jahn for being a good sport.  Please support an author today.  We love to tell stories.  Look here on Amazon for more on Amalie.
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