Man Club – July 2013 Edition (Hard Rock and Golfing)

man-screaming-290x216

You are back from shopping! So soon?

Men, you’ve been through this before.  Your girlfriend, fiancee or wife has just returned from shopping and she wants to tell you about the bargains she found and how much money she saved.  Be prepared – it’s going to hurt.

PuffyLips

Prada, Coach, and Calvin Klein
Oh How I want them to be mine, mine, mine!
(Sung to the tune of the William Tell Overture and Suicide Symphony)

In this month’s Female Code episode, I gave you an educational background of the real story of Adam and Eve – “The Married without Children Era.”  There in episode 666, Eve turns 54 and enters menopause in the heat of July, yet there are no men and there certainly is no pausing, so whose brilliant idea was it to call it menopause, maybe menomurder is more apropos.  So now it’s just you and your non-stop jibber-jabber soul mate from hell!  Somewhere in the female code there is no gene for logic or rational.  I shall prove my point.

“Honey, Honey… I just saved you big bucks on this new Coach bag,” says your loving succubo.

Succubo – not to be confused with a succubus, which is cool and sexy, but a succubo – an evil female demon vampire that bleeds your wallet, a turnip and the federal reserve dry.

“Great, enough for me to go golfing tomorrow?”

“Huh?” asks your sweet little succubo with a look like you are a total idiot.

“Savings – like the one at the bank where we place money into!”

“That’s not savings – that’s hoarding!!!  Savings is where you spend far less than retail!”

And so goes the debate with that sweet little snookums of a succubo you married, as she shows you the contents of her sixteen shopping bags from Prada, Coach, Calvin Recliner, Che Tre Le Vue, Coldwater Creek and Paddle, Diane Von Iceberg, Tahari Mahari Mai Tai, and Victoria’s Sucrets.  Which begs to ask the question, how is it women can find energy to carry all of this, but not one little bag of groceries.  My wife, when she arrives home from grocery shopping, honks her horn for me to serve her.  Carrying the bags – now don’t get carried away!

Logic and reason, this is where you just lost the argument and it can never be won.  Savings and shopping are not synonyms.  It is the one section of the Man Club Manly Manual I hate to refer you to:

Section 666 – Utter Defeat

In those rare instances where you attempt to apply logic, stop, for god’s sake STOP.  You will not win, you will lose, and you will have a splitting headache to boot.  To survive the seven deadly sins you must have the virtue of patience, be deaf from cranking up old 70’s and 80’s rock songs, and play golf – whether you suck at the game or not.  You must also learn nod in agreement.

There you have it men, wisdom in as few as words as possible.  That’s because we men are brief, to the point and can find a solution to everything, except personal finance, which is the “Bane of our Lives” – a new daytime soap and antacid opera. You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to nod.

Disclaimer – men this is not humor, sadly this is reality. Fooooooooore!  Elin – put that club and my golf balls away!
Advertisements

4 comments on “Man Club – July 2013 Edition (Hard Rock and Golfing)

  1. kayuk says:

    Move to Canada, she’ll thank you. Walking in the snow is a great cool-down for Hot Flash Syndrome. And it’s SOOOOO much fun to crawl back into bed and warm your feet on the back of your partner at 3:00 am, Bwahahahaha!! (evil laugh)

    • ewgreenlee says:

      I lived in the mountains of New Mexico for three years, I promised I’d get her to Hawaii one day where we both could thrive. I’ve had plenty of cold placed on various body parts, I’ll pass on Canada. But hey, thanks!

      • kayuk2013 says:

        I like the visuals of ‘warm back, cold feet’. Memories of the knee-jerk reaction bring a smile to my face and a warm, fuzzy feeling to the bottoms of my feet.

        BTW….I love SF and Fantasy–especially a good choice for someone who lives in a barn and hears the horses talking with each other in almost understandable cadences through the walls at night. I can’t recall reading any of your books. Where should I start?

    • ewgreenlee says:

      You should notice that I have page headings above titled “World of Allivar” and “Books.” I have a special running right now to attract more readers. Here’s a link to my website http://www.allivarcreative.com/ShopBooks.html You can also review posts under a specific category I have made regarding the books https://ewgreenlee.wordpress.com/?cat=106775007

      If you have any questions before you purchase, let me know,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s