Let it Grow, Let it Grow, Let it Grow

Many of my absurd inspirations come from Facebook conversations with authors.  One of my favorites is Danny Kemp from the United Kingdom.  My what a sense of humor he has.  Today he posted,

I had my hair cut today so the brain is slower than normal, please make allowances for me.

To which I responded,

“Are you related to Samson?” I asked.

“If he has money then yes,” said Danny.

My reply, “No, he was a peasant who had long powerful locks of hair.  He met a woman and then he was doomed.  Your hair cutter isn’t named Delilah is it?”

Then it dawned on me.  Men are wusses because we have allowed ourselves to believe converting to a subhuman species is what women want.  You are wrong, so very wrong.  Women want to dominate all life and all men.  They are evil incarnate and they want your hair – ALL OF IT – Bwahahahaha.

samsondeliah2

Sam and Del

This the true story of Sam and Del.  Sam was a strapping young goat herder and the lead singer of the chart busting super hair band – Flock of Goats.  He had long full locks of dark hair.  With that hair he had power,  he was a man, a manly man.  Then Del found him and told him goat herding wasn’t the place to be, so she backed up his bags and took him to Galilee, sea that is.

There she took him to Rodeo Bar Mitzvah Drive and bought him sandals and Capri’s, a little chartreuse scarf and a European man bag. She gave him a mani and a pedi, yet he still wasn’t submitting. So she took Sam to Anton’s Coiffure and Facial Spa.  She had his body hair removed and little by little his locks cut off until he sank low in Anton’s chair utterly exhausted and slow of wit.  It was at that moment Del realized the source of Sam’s power and manliness – his hair.  She then went about spreading the news and soon all the hair rock bands of the 70’s and 80’s disappeared.  What came next was a hideous transformation.  Disco, punk, rap and a new subhuman species crawled out of the murky waters – the Metroman.

hombre_metrosexual_2

Sing with me:
Metroman, Metroman curling his eyelashes like a girly man.

Soon Sam ceased to exist, he was a zombie and a wraith, neither living nor dead, just femininely fashionable. Del had conquered him and he was doomed to a hairless eternity. He was last seen with his Chihuahua’s Chewy and Louie walking aimlessly on Humuhumunukunuku Blvd with Del clinging to his hairless arms grinning wickedly in her victory.

The moral to this story is that men need to stay clear of hair obsessed women.  They want your hair and if they can’t have yours neither can you. They will lie to you and tell you are more manly without your hair, but once you cross that line your powers diminish and you begin to say, “Yes honey pookums,” all too often. So guard your hair in the shadows of the night, for somewhere the ghost of Del walks amongst us.

Now for the sing along:

Oh the women outside are frightful

For her, his hair is so delightful

And while you have power and control

Let It Grow! Let It Grow! Let It Grow!

She doesn’t show signs of stopping

She’s even into hair swapping

Your hair she wants to mow, just say no

Let It Grow! Let It Grow! Let It Grow!

When we finally kiss goodnight

She’ll rip them off with a knife!

But frankly I don’t give a damn

I’m hairy and still a man,

Let It Grow! Let It Grow! Let It Grow!

Disclaimer, remember this is suppose to be humor.  If you didn’t enjoy this, well, go shave off your hair in protest.
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2 comments on “Let it Grow, Let it Grow, Let it Grow

  1. cav12 says:

    The pursuit of hirsute, I think it has been achieved ;D

  2. ewgreenlee says:

    Hirsute – oooh, nice word! But wouldn’t it be easier for women to just OD on androgens? Why must they drain the life and power out of men?

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