Just when you thought you had seen it all. Hairy stockings.

HairyLegs

http://metro.co.uk/2013/06/18/hairy-stockings-aimed-at-deflecting-unwanted-male-attention-3845865/

Leave it up to my friends on Facebook to lead me to the most absurd item of the week.  Sorry folks my witty humorous mind was away from writing as I completed my continuing education requirements as a CPA.  However in the midst of tax laws and investments, I came across the conversation of anti-pervert technology – the hairy stockings.  Now the friend who posted the article is a Greek woman.  She has several friends who are of Balkan heritage.  These ladies insinuated that it was feasible Balkan women just might be able to naturally have this anti-perversion technology in their genetics.  This led my perverted mind to the following movie title:

My Big Fat Greek Hairy Back and Bar Mitzvah

Don’t ask me why, I already told you I’m just perverted in the mind. Don’t you people read?  Which brings up a hairy question, what if this anti-perversion technique simply super-turbo charges a hair loving pervert, or a very lonely and very affectionate Sasquatch?  It figures, I live in a time when men shave their bodies and women want to become primates.

chimp

Geez Mon! Go shave your legs! You homo-sapiens gross me out!

Which brings me to another hairy ethical and moral issue.  If Balkan women are genetically inclined to grow thick primate like body hair, should unsuspecting men obtain DNA tests before they pop the question, or even worse place the One Ring of eternal darkness on the bride’s hand?  The test should come with sound effects like a person sighing relief if negative, then the terrifying screeching of a Wringwrath from Mordor if positive.  This way you could decide very quickly to stay, or run away as fast as your male shaven legs will take you to the cracks of doom and return the ring of power to whence it came.  But I perversely digress as usual.

Hairless

Honey – I borrowed your razor. Do you mind?

As you can see, I’m just a 54 year old male having difficulty understanding the sexes and the world in general these days.  So don’t chuck away your razors ladies, save them for your boyfriends, brothers and husbands.  Is male shaving a male anti-pervert technique?  Be careful this might backfire and give anti-marriage signals and cease all procreation activities.  Gee, that would be a hairy bummer.

Finally, some women are just openly proud of their genetic predispositions or demonic possession, whichever the case.  They’ve decided to willfully come out of the jungle or cage.

Absurd?  You be the judge. The female code has a completely new meaning. I’m really tired but I think I’ll go back to taxes, their hairy and absurd too, but not as hairy as Balkan women apparently.

Take time to laugh your hairy hiney off today, or shave it – I don’t care. Geez Mon! Nair your hair if you must.

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