This month I turn 54. In those years I’ve seen a lot of fashions, maybe too many. I have begun to wonder if people are insane or just need an eye exam. You’ve probably seen what I have seen too. Those people who parade their fashion disasters around like a badge of honor thinking they look sexy in tight fitting clothing. They are too sexy for their shirts so they hike them up while the waistlines take a hike to the southern lands of Mordor.
On the backside there is usually some tattoo design just slightly above the Cracks of Doom. Some have labeled these designs – Tramp Stamps. Now that’s a little harsh, but they should have come to me for advice. Just don’t forget the front side! You’ve bedazzled everything else, why not that belly? Since you have lost all self respect, why not use that remaining space to monetize your frontal muffin lobe?
Welcome M3 marketing! That’s right, since you must want people’s attention with that muffin, why not get paid for it? Simple little ads can make you (and me) big belly bucks, like:
Eat at Joes! Just say Brandi sent ya!
This allows Brandi to start a little revenue stream going from her excellent advertising space, to supplement that pole dancing routine revenue at Scragglys Gentleman’s Club and Health Clinic (another brilliant idea of mine in this age of one stop shopping).
M3 will be the social media medium of 2013. I’ve got a new search engine ready to go, just type in MOOGLES and watch our entertaining little Moodles. Who doesn’t love a Moogles Muffin Moodle – it’s brilliant I tell you!
You can even use #Hashtags (limit 140 characters) and be the TWITter talk of the universe!
For those with major league muffins, you can run more descriptive ads and get higher compensation plans, a 401(k), health insurance, a pink Cadillac and all the maple muffins you can snarf down.
Yet some people need more than cleverly crafted words, they need music and dance routines. So here is the Muffin Media theme song:
I once believed in miracles, now I just believe in making money by monetizing muffins. Next up, the Muffin Mambo on Dancing with Doughnuts, and Muffin Mad Men with Mandy Maples. One of these days my brilliant money making schemes will strike gold. Market your muffin today!
Absurd? You bet it is! Welcome to our mad muffled and moogled muffin times.