Summer Poochie Poo Poo

Big Bollocks Bobby

Big Bollocks Bobby

For all you folks who love to walk your dogs around the neighborhood, just know that it is getting closer to summer and the sweltering Oklahoma heat and humidity.  This means the summer poochie poo poo is about to get really rank.  So please, can you at least pick up the remains of that Alpo meal?  Take a close look at that sweet pooch face and then turn it around.  Yes, it has that end too, one that it licks and then licks you. I have a Golden Retriever and thankfully she never retrieves her poo, I take care of that for her.  When we walk her we always take a Walmart plastic bag, one of the six trillion we have.

Nothing is worse than mowing over a hidden pile of rank and rotting Alpo. That sweet smell of cut grass is rudely interrupted by the vile smell from the tornadic action of my Toro lawn mower. Then there’s the swarm of poo poo loving insects, converging upon that scattered poo.  No where in the Toro owners manual does it claim to be a poo poo collector. For God’s sake, please have some common courtesy!  I’m sure if the pooches could pick it up they would.  They trust you to do what is right with their dooty. I am convinced dog owner’s such as these wind up in Dante’s third level of hell. Yet some simply believe your yard is in the public domain, or that it is just plain funny.  For these irresponsible owners, Big Bobby has a new line of products sure to catch their attention once and for all:

The Poo Poo Sling ($19.99)

Ever wanted to pretend you were David the giant killer?  Well here’s your chance! Big Bobby’s patented poo poo slinger has an accurate range of 100 yards.  Just load up that little poodle pile and sling it right back to the owner, who’s just a little too delicate to touch little Polly’s poodle poo poo pile.

The Poo Poopult ($129.99)

Are pooch owners laying siege to your perfect lawn?  Return the siege with Bobby’s patented poo poopult (think catapult).  Bobby will even include a training video so that you can determine the proper poo poo pulting physics. Let loose of even the largest dalmatian dung. Dung Flung Range: 1 quarter mile.

The Poo Poo Scatter Gun ($214.23)

And you just thought those compressed air guns were for launching t-shirts! Well with Big Bobby’s patented S@#* scatter technology, there will be no chance at missing the offender, guaranteed or your money back.

Is Big Bobby getting the message across?  Don’t be a poo poo head.  If you got the bollocks to leave your piles, then Bobby has the even bigger bollocks to go to poo poo war.  We domesticated these wolves, so now please keep your poo poo at your domicile.  And if this doesn’t work, Bobby has the Dung Dump Truck available for rental.

Have a poo poo free summer!

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3 comments on “Summer Poochie Poo Poo

  1. sassycoupleok says:

    Laughing……..so true. Fortunately we live in a neighbor hood where most are responsible and pickup after their pets. But when that stray comes thru leaving a human size pile and the lawn mower finds it first…….OMG !! Makes very evil thoughts race through my mind!! 🙂

    • ewgreenlee says:

      Strays I can deal with. It’s little old ladies who laugh about it, “Oh Polly, couldn’t you just wait till we get home?” (snickering) Then she smiles at you and walks on, as though it’s expected to honor your elders.

      • sassycoupleok says:

        Yeah exactly, the little fuckers are more precious than their own children! Your also right, since they are elders they have somehow earned the right.

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