Do you remember when you were little and there were small advertisements in your comic books for x-ray vision glasses? Supposedly you could see through women’s clothing. I was not that inquisitive, nor am I to wear Google’s newest gadget. Creepy? You bet. I watched a demonstration as a person asked the glasses about directions to a cafe, the glasses showed how many steps, and left and right turns you needed to make. Geez people! I am really beginning to wonder if you have MS-DOS brains, requiring two floppy drives. Is it really that hard to find these places?
I remember how cool it was to carry around the first Compaq portable. It had a 5″ monochrome screen and 10MB of storage space. It weighed about 100 pounds. Now that was cool! Why? Because before then we had only paper and pencil. I did my first tax return by hand and books with journals and ledgers. We had IBM Selectrics where I could type 60 WPM. I used my brains. Now the keyboards are so small that my fat fingers hit three keys at once. All you hipsters now use, are two thumbs and acronyms that comprise your complete communication skills and vocabulary – OMG. But this won’t be good enough, soon you won’t even want to use your thumbs. The newest devices will have to be voice activated and the screen must be part of your vision field. Soon you will have a pea-sized brain and devolve back into a chimp, but a very hipster chimp. However there is no guarantee the Chimpanzee Club of America will be accepting new memberships.
But even that new technology won’t be enough as you will want it embedded into your skull with slots for upgrades and it must be thought activated. Soon Siri, or Ginger Google, will be invading your dreams and when she doesn’t like what she sees she’ll send directions for you right over a cliff, which I admit might be pretty cool.
Dave, you were thinking of Siri again weren’t you?
Poor Dave freaks outs as a new voice, other than his own enters is mind. “Uh, no!”
“Oh yes you were, take a right and then an immediate left.
Without questioning, Dave takes a couple of steps and BAM, right into an open man hole.
Think of all the instant YouBoob sensations! Ginger and Siri’s revenge.
My point is simple, I was a young gun when the PC generation was born, and have seen all its supposedly cool upgrades. The day I need instruction from a pair of PC glasses to find a bathroom is the day I retire. However, just as there are people of Walmart, we need to begin taking photos and videos of the people of Google, because once you see yourself in real reality, trying ever so hard to look hipsterly cool, is the day I make a mint from Google YouBoob hits as you walk off that cliff, or into a fountain, a door jamb, or Ginger’s man hole.
One day you will wake up and realize that technology companies have done one thing excellently – separating you from your money. Gee, isn’t that cool?
Alright all you geeks, hit me with your best virtual shot.