News Headlines You Just Can’t Make Up

URANUS

This was the actual headline I read in an article today. Now I am not sure if this was done on purpose to get people more interested in science, or the writer was a starving comedian, or a completely absurd fool.  Whoever named the planet must have been a comedian, so I looked it up on Wikipedia.  Turns out it is the Latinized name of the Greek God Ouranos.  Now that’s even funnier “Ouranos.”  I can see it now two astronomers arguing over the naming.

“I see Ouranos in the sky!”

“That’s not Myanos, it’s Uranus! I’m a vegetarian and because of your violent and gassy carnivorous winds, it shall be called Uranus.”

You see if NASA was truly as brilliant as they claim to be, they’d name things after comedy and sex.  Remember – SEX SELLS.  Such as, renaming a constellation to “50 Shadius Greyanos.”  NASA would have it’s very own TV channel with gazillions of subscribers.  They could have Maxim Hotties give debriefings or this is Kate Upton with a news flash on Uranus.

Life on the planet would never be dull.  They could have a fictional show titled, “The Real Housewives of Uranus.”  TV Reporters, trying to get the lead on a news report would be heard saying, “We have a major gas leak here on Uranus.”  Imagine our political speeches!

“And now welcome the President of Uranus – Harry Proctologer.”

A reporter speaks softly into his mic, “the president has come to the podium for the the State of Uranus speech.”

“My fellow Uranusians, today we are working hard to make Uranus the place upon a shining and gaseous free hill.  Soon you will feel the winds of change. Blah, blah, blah…, blah, blah. God bless you and god bless Uranus.”

In the opposing party speech, the person would proclaim, “what a big gassy bag of wind that was?”

Finally, here on Earth we could send all our really horrible criminals to a maximum security prison on the planet.  For there will be no escape from Uranus.

I think we should rename the planet, it has become the butt of all jokes.

What?  You didn’t think I’d stoop this low?  Hey, it’s news!!!!

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5 comments on “News Headlines You Just Can’t Make Up

  1. rebecca2000 says:

    LOL you’re a nut.

  2. cav12 says:

    Can’t stop smiling 🙂 Thanks for the entertaining post. Some headlines are too ridiculous but they do make you read on!

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