Sorry folks, I’ve been busy and my brain has been fried. I read a humor blog today regarding phone actresses and it reminded me of the time I made a simple dialing error. I am a CPA. I use tax software. At one time I used CCH’s ProSystemFX. Stay with me, I promise its going to be good. If I needed support I would dial 800-739-9998. One day I needed support, but I had no idea how much support I was about to get when I misdialed 800-739-9999. Normally there is a delay and you have to press a bunch of buttons to get to your right party. Not that day! I was delivered to excellent service almost immediately. I was half asleep, as all accountants are during tax season, but boy did I wake up fast when I heard,
“Ooh baby, you’ve called 800 (I won’t repeat what was said), what’s your desire.”
My first thought was, what the hell did I just dial? Then I saw how one little extra 9 made the difference. But hey, this was my first interaction with a phone actress, so I decided to play along.
“I’m an accountant and I need some dirty code talk.”
“What!” She seemed rather surprised.
“This is 800-739-9998, extension 9, dirty code talk, isn’t it?”
“Listen buddy this 800-739-9999. I only do (expletives, expletives, expletives)”
“You mean this isn’t Mabel at extension 9? I need dirty code talk and I need it baaaaaaad!” I said desperately and then pulled the phone away a I roared with laughter and almost lost control of my bladder.
“I’ll be Mabel or whoever you wish if you just give me your credit card information,” she said in a sensual and alluring tone.
“Well maybe, but I want a sample. Pretend you are Mabel and you want some down and dirty depreciation,” I said with a tone of impatience.
“You are one sick @#%$%*^ puppy mister,” she said shocked.
I am sure she has no idea what depreciation is and had no appreciation for my depreciation humor.
“Okay maybe that was a little too forward. It’s hard for most to take the full section 179 all at once. So Mabel, tell me how I can increase the size of my miscellaneous itemized deductions?”
“I don’t do this SICK STUFF you perverted $@##@&*!”
Well dang! That was the most fun I have ever had during ANY tax season. Now I never really knew the phone actresses real name, so Mabel had to do. I will recall her fondly for the rest of my life because she taught me something that day.
THE TAX CODE IS PERVERTED – Don’t you agree?
I think I’m ready for a new career as a phone actor.