In conjunction with the bedazzling post from the April 2013 Female Code monthly edition, I suggested we men should have a flag system to communicate with our wives. Since women are now bedazzling their body parts, why can’t we men hoist flags on ours? Some men would have difficulty making eye-to-eye contact with their wives, “Hey honey look up, I’m up here!” Some of us would have to endure endless teasing about only being at half mast. So just stick with the tried and true system of flashing flags.
If you don’t have a flag system for each of the flags above, go to the fabric store and buy the necessary colors. Give these to your wife, but only one of these flag patterns at a time until you have the complete set. If your wife doesn’t do Suzy homemaker projects, go join a group one at the local senior center (they are used to half mast.) Or join a quilting group and if only females are allowed, dress up like one. Hey it worked for Monty Python and Tom Hanks!
When you have all your flags ready, go stand before your wife emotionless and use only your flags. Give your wife the chart above and wave these three flags. Using the chart she will see it is WFD – What’s For Dinner?
Now everything is going great for many weeks. You don’t get into any fights and your conversations are short and sweet. Too sweet to last forever. The next time you do this signal, you find out she has been making her own flags, she misinterpreted yours to say WFD – Wifey Fix Dinner, and she vigorously waves these three back.
Not expecting this, you look at the chart and WTFoooore? Uh oh, she’s on to the system! Not being 100% certain she truly understands, there is a sure fire way to know if you are communicating properly. Eagerly, but gently, wave these three flags with a sheepish smile on your face.
You know you are doomed if she waves these two flags so emphatically that she takes flight like a stork or one of those new Boeing Dreamliners.
Well like most the absurd things in life there are failures, there are setbacks and there are bombs, all unleashed by the unpredictable kamikaze gender known as female. But as president and chief dictator of the man club, I shall carry on in defiance with our flag hoisted high and proud.