This month I mentioned I created a new monthly edition appropriately titled Apocalypse Monthly. There is a reason for this that affects man club members. This is to coincide with the monthly female apocalypse. That time of month where women, armed with nukes, would destroy all of us men. The blame for their pains go back to the origin of life and a dude named Adam. For this very reason, any application to the man club that has a first or last name of Adam or McAdams is immediately rejected. We don’t care if you look like a combination of all of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man and are an immediate chick magnet. We don’t care if you try to bribe us with a case of beer, your going down into the fiery pits with the shape shifting shadows of horror known as women. We also check applications for the names of wives and if any are named Eve or Lilith, the application will be rejected as well.
For the monthly apocalypse, we had to create a special section of the manual – 666. Yes it is the mark of the beast. Some of you considering joining the club think we exaggerate, but meet our poster child:
Never doubt the club president and chief dictator, E.W. Greenlee, ever again. His wisdom is beyond recall. Yet he digresses often. Back to section 666, which is the most voluminous section of the manual and too lengthy to go into detail today. To make it short, Section 666 reads:
Once monthly, if you choose to live, you must hide. You must hide for a period of 5 to 7 days. You must run to your cave, the garage, clean out the pool even if frozen from sub zero temperatures, or run to a fellow club members cave. You must huddle in fear and practice survival skills and defeat the beast in xBox360’s newest RPG – Hello I’m Lilith Eve McAdams. You must avoid Apples at all cost, any sign of an Apple can lead to, well, the poster says it all without spoken words – the Female Apocalypse.
If for some reason you cannot run, you must make a stand, learn to be a proud and courageous man and submit. Yes, you read this right – SUBMIT. Vaccum the carpets, wash windows, bake cookies if you must, but by all means survive. Sadly survival in this modern male world, we must at times, admit there are forces we cannot comprehend or fight. The Female Apocalypse is one of those situations. But heed my words fellow members, a new day shall dawn and sanity shall be restored to the lands. For a few days that is. Then come the Hunger Games, that period of time where babies are the only thing on your wife’s mind. For this situation, flip the page,
Section 666, Paragraph A states:
SUBMIT, SUBMIT WILLINGLY AND WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. Tell your buddies you are engaged in the Hunger Games and that no meetings will be held this week.
Learn to make the best out of life’s little apocalypses, they don’t last, they all go Apocabusto.