The top job for 2013 is a new one, because we are just now starting to figure out the scam. The top sought after job of 2013 is:
That’s right a politician. Now that we all realize how very little they actually do, even with a 9% approval rating, their bosses (taxpayers) let them keep coming back. Wow, sign me up. Nowhere in the universe do you get such perks for performance. Let’s just count those perks:
- Guaranteed pension for life
- Guaranteed healthcare for life
- All the assistants you want
- Security guards
- Lobbyist junkets
- Guaranteed book deals
- Paid speaking engagements
- Investments that earn 1000%
- Paid directors fees for sitting on corporate boards
Nowhere in the universe can you overspend your income by trillions and still not have a mob at your front door. Politicians get to increase the debt limit and borrow from foreign countries increasing your share of that debt, but somehow convince you it is in your best interest. Just make sure you learn Mandarin or Arabic when the creditors call, Ni Hao! They dictate (herein after referred to as a mandate) what others should do, but exempt themselves. Wowee wow wow! They pass 3,000 page bills and not even read them. They hold really long meetings, accomplish nothing, and then get patted on the back for it, I think they call this a filibuster, but they might as well call it a taxpayer back breaker, because we pay for this nonperforming performance. If they are ever caught doing something illegal or unethical, they don’t go to jail, they pass go and collect $200, just as long as they resign from being a committee chairperson. They don’t have to have solutions, just point out that the other sides solutions are bad, bad, bad.
I am an independent, I see the absurdity of both political philosophies. The fiscal cliff is a prime example, one side wants to raise taxes and the other side wants spending cuts. Both sides say we must avoid this cliff, yet the cliff achieves what they say they want. Only from the minds of politicians can such universal chaos be created, and they call this “public service.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but if government is the full service solution, I think I will make 2013 the year of self service, that and run for public office. Hey, is there anything wrong with cashing in on the easiest job in the universe?
Oh, and my son, you remember the guy who wanted a tanning salon, or to be a video game tester? He now wants to be a politician. He surprises me every so often. If you need assistance in becoming a politician send $1.2 trillion for the self help books of the millennium, Do if Yourself Deficit Deflection and Defense for Dummies”, or Fiscal Cliff Finger Pointing and Painting. So order today, today, today (echo.)
HAVE A HAPPY AND POLITICALLY PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR
1234 Suckers Way
Grand Cayman Islands
Call today 1-800-LEEC-HES
Disclaimer: This is satire, or if you prefer very sick and twisted humor. If you truly want to end any future humor posts, then help me win a senate seat in 2014. I promise to end all writing, including any bills that just might become law.