Mens fashion have become rather dull. I read that men look for two things when it comes to determining the success of a man: his watch and his shoes. Really? I watch as my wife and daughter come home with many variations of clothing, jewelry and accessories. All I get is a watch! Here in Oklahoma we are bombarded by the Joseph A. Banks commercials, which run something like this, “Buy three shirts, get a jacket freeeeee! What a bargain.” Boring, absolutely boring. We need to go all out Henry VIII on male fashion. This is why I am suggesting the immediate revival of the cod piece. We men have allowed the women to gain too much of the attention. Old Henry was at the center of the fashion universe in his day and time. They even applauded as he entered the royal chamber. Of course, you could be beheaded for not applauding. I digress as usual.
Nothing shouts ego like a Henry A. Cod Piece. That’s the name of my new store and here is my first radio commercial:
“Come into Henry A. Cod Piece this holiday season. Buy three shirts, get a solid gold cod piece freeeeee. There’s nothing like a new cod under the old mistletoe or tree. Free wrapping and a nice big bow included. What a bargain.”
You see, it is all in the wording and visualization. Of course, you can’t air this on television, as we must save the innocence of our youth.
As you walk into the bank or golf club you would be instantly noticed. You’d hear people whisper, “Wow, look at his success!” Of course, there would be those who cannot appreciate your flamboyant success and the gossip mill would go into full spin. “Well, I’d bet it’s just gold plated.”
Who needs a European man bag? One of my collections would include a draw bridge where you can store your keys, wallet and iPhone. Of course you’d draw even more attention when you set the iPhone on vibration mode. I call this model the iPad. What! That name is already taken? Okay, okay, the iCod then.
The more the cod piece is adorned, the better a man’s chances of attracting a mate. Instead of them checking out your Mercedes or BMW, they’d be drawn to the lavish luxury of your cod piece. Of course, you’d have to remind them often to look up into your eyes. This being a just revenge for all the ladies with low cut shirts, which they of course do not wear on purpose (wink, wink). Just like automobiles you can adorn your Henry A. Cod Piece with statues or racing stripes, giving a sleek and aerodynamically designed appearance.
When we go back and learn human history we can revive economies of old. And speaking of revival, for our older customers we have the following advertisement:
“When you come into Henry A. Cod Piece and order the iCod, you get two months Viagra for freeeeee, freeeee, freeee! What a bargain.”
Place your order today. People are lining up, even camping overnight to be the first to get their hands on your cod, piece that is. Be the first to say, “I got mine!”