November is my anniversary month. On the 21st, I will officially have been married for 32 years. Yes, 32 years, 11,680 days, or 280,320 hours, and 1 trillion seconds. I prepared a speech for Toastmasters in October titled: The Female Code, to which I received zero female votes for best speech. In that speech I referred to the one female gene that cannot be engineered or mutated. The RA gene (Remembers Anniversary) is the strongest gene in the never ending and mutating set of female genes. Men do not have an RA gene, so I have an excuse. Remember we men have only the 5F gene that controls everything:
- Fixing Things
- Fooling around, and
Now if females can somehow splice and mutate their RA gene with the 4th trait of the male 5F gene, we would have world peace. You see we men have fooling around on our minds for over 100 trillion seconds of our life expectancy. We can’t help it, it was in our genes the day we climbed out of the slime. You ladies just need to deal with it, you are not going to change or mutate us. Frustrate yes, mutate no.
After 32 years and 1 trillion seconds, our most favorite thing to do to celebrate is to go on road trips. To see and do things before we can’t remember who the heck we are. If I make it to our 50th anniversary I am sure I won’t know who is standing before me until she rants that I didn’t get her a thing or take her anywhere. At that point somewhere in my uncomplicated brain, a neuron will randomly fire an electric charge and I will remember the pain of not remembering our anniversary.
There is a reason women outlive men, it’s their DNA. There are too many mutated genes sending out confusing signals that are constantly at war within. When they finally do catch up and interpret the signals, the woman is doomed. My wife and I love watching House MD. If he can’t figure this out, I’m sure not trying.
Happy 32nd anniversary Tracy Greenlee. I love you, you beautiful mutant.