Golf Indigestion – November Edition (Winter Golf)

As we near the winter months I recall having (emphasis on had) friends who would golf year round.  This means golfing on rock hard frozen ground.  Do you how bad it hurts when you dig your iron into the ground and it doesn’t budge?  This is when you learn about seismology, as the quake travels up your arm and into your head, loosening many of your teeth. I am certain this is how Fixadent was invented. Who in their right mind needs to golf year round?  It’s one thing if you are Jack Nicklaus and can afford to golf in Hawaii.  It’s another when you golf on the frozen shores next to Lake Onacheekobee in the Yukon territory.  Well at least the balls are never lost in the water.

Winter is for reading and shining your balls for the country club party.  Although reading about golf is as useless to me as watching it on television, even on a 60″ HDTV.  I’m an accountant and reading golf is far worse than reading the journal of accountancy.  Both are excellent sleep aids. My friends would also go to the putting greens and driving ranges, anything to get their fix of golf.  I’m a basketball player, which is great for the winter months.  My friends?  Heck no, basketball would require sweating and losing a few pounds.  I suppose the extra weight is what allows them to have much further drives than mine.

Winter is also for boasting to new friends who know nothing of your game and immediately think you are a golfing god when talk about all the birdies you sunk.  This is when I chime in that I am a Wilt Chamberlain golfer.  That’s right, the only man ever to score 100 points in a game.  Okay you are scratching your head.  I can hear it.  I have never, ever shot a score less than 100.  Thus my relation to Wilt Chamberlain.  Why I continue to golf is beyond my usual logical and rational thinking.  The game is costly now more than ever.  I’ve lovingly nicknamed my new driver “401(k).”  I try to convince myself that I play for my sanity and health.  Then I laugh my ass off.  We ride electric golf carts for 4 hours and then down a few beers at the nineteenth hole.  Some shape I’m getting into.

My game of golf sucks enough in the spring, summer and fall, but in the winter the indigestion is much colder and is thriving for my Dentists 401(k).


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