Although Halloween is officially over, I had to write this blog post before the thought left my mind forever. The thought was planted in my mind by remembering Young Frankenstein and all the hub bub about the “50 Shades of Grey” mania. I’m just trying to capitalize on all the over-sexed paranomal and abnormal young adult books. What if I created “Frankenwolfula?” No this isn’t some long hair 80’s band up for a reunion tour, nor is it a new cereal to rival Calvin’s Chocolate Covered Sugar Bombs. It is the latest monster creation that will have women fainting and singing opera (even though they didn’t know they could) over the monster’s Schwanstuker. What you get is a huge, hairy and glowing – thing! No, not the Schwanstuker, the overall appearance of the monster. Get your mind off the Schwanstuker!
Since many of the old horror classics were in black and white, with a lot of varying shades of gray, I’ve decided to keep the imagery as such. Now place a wig on Frankenwolfula to mimic Paul McCartney and you have the new 60’s retro band lead singer. You can see it now the deep voice with grunting and finally a single strand of words come out “ug, ug, ug Super Duper!” However, modern independent women need more than just a good looking face and hair, they need dance moves. So this is where you would see Frankenwolfula on Dancing with the Stars to the newest craze: “The 50 Step Schwanstuker Shuffle.” Now Frankenwolfula is a shape shifter, so he can go from Edward Cullen to Eddie Munster, or from Jacob to Teen Wolf in a matter of seconds without impacting the Shwanstuker, until Frau Blucher comes on stage. At that point both a new surge of lightning and Viagra might be needed.
Why my ideas aren’t major motion pictures, I can’t understand. Here I write block bluster material and yet I have 20 followers and maybe 50 comments, of which 25 are my own. Come on folks help me out. If “Vampires Suck” can be made into a movie, so can “Frankenwolfula.” Tell the world of my mad genius. Bwhahahaha.