50 Shades of Vertical Blinds

Recently I received a blog reply on my 50 Shades of Grey Balls post. This person wanted me to be interested in the advertising of products around the phenom of “50 Shades of Grey.” If she had read the post, she would see I was writing parody.  Let me be clear, I have not, nor will ever read 50 Shades of Grey.  I love to write about human silliness or absurdities.  Heaven knows we live in the optimum period of human history for both.  We live in a time of incredible technology and communication.  Our level of knowledge should be higher than ever before.  Yet, there is a large audience that watch mindless reality shows like “Honey Boo Boo”, or click “like” nearly one billion times for “Gangnum Style.”

Honey what what

See what I mean?  Even Darwin is shaking his head and he’s been dead for centuries.  Now back to my 50 shades dilemma.  I write to get attention and draw readers to this insane blog.  I capitalize on the trends, good or bad, of the moment.  Last week is was 50 shades and, god help us, this week it may be Honey Boo Boo.  I could type in 50 Shades of Vertical Blinds and people will rush to read this just because they saw 50 shades.  Am I right or am I right?  If I wrote 50 Shades of Colorado Bongs, I’d have a gazillion hits by Colorado and Washington state BDSM stoners.  It’s all about timing with misleading words, you know, that thing called “effective marketing.”

One other point, I am not into BDSM, pornographic, or erotic novels.  They are just not my thing, but I admire all authors who are willing to risk judgement for the sake of story-telling.  There is a genre for just about every taste or tasteless reader out there.  This is what free will and freedom of choice is all about.

Now about my vertical blinds, I have 50 for sale, because in the end it is still about making a living from the use of our creative minds. I also believe my original post about grey golf balls could pay off in the long run.

What absurd human issue have you seen this week?  I am always looking for new material.



When writing my fantasy trilogy, The Chosen One of Allivar, I listened to movie soundtracks as inspiration for the most touching scenes.  My favorite of all times is The Lord of the Rings movies.  The movies, the books and all things J.R.R. Tolkien inspired me to devote ten years of my life to create my own and very original mythology. The Lord of the Rings is a story of heroic sacrifice, the basic theme of all my favorite books and movies.  I own the entire soundtrack and have seen the symphony in person. To say I was awestruck and inspired is an understatement.  Nothing can compare to the sound of a live symphony with adult and children choirs, it is almost angelic and other-worldly.

One of my other favorite movies is Braveheart. If you have ever seen the movie, specifically the scene of the execution of William Wallace and the subsequent freedom of Scotland, you cannot help but be emotionally touched. The music to the scene heightens the emotions. Obviously history of the events is much different, but the objective of connecting with viewers and especially with men, is the key point to remember.  Many of us men want to be heroic and gallant for a cause greater than ourselves.  We will risk life and limb for our family and country. Unfortunately we are trapped in an unromantic age. Gone are the ages where war is waged with sword and armor.  We live in an age where life as we know it could end in a single mechanized and even remotely controlled battle.  We may never have to come face to face with our enemy, know of their own pains and struggles, or that deep down inside they are as human as we are.

In the final story to my trilogy, Last Stand of the Living, I wanted to capture the essence of the emotions of Braveheart as the world for Wallace was coming to an end, but that by his actions, even after death, victory is possible.  The hero of my trilogy, Arimar, is a reluctant hero, one that would rather have peace and spend time with those he loves. In the end he is given a choice, and that choice leads to the fate of all. A fate that will have you the reader, riding an emotional roller coaster from one emotional peak to the next, and the next, and the next, leaving you drained, breathless and pondering the world in which you live, the meaning of life, the resounding power of love, and the value of family.  For it is a struggle of good and freedom from evil, and one where there must be a victor. Maybe one day my story will find its way on the big screen, for I wrote it specifically to challenge a filmmaker, with its very own empowering soundtrack. When you are done reading the final book, play this song and let me know if I connected.

What movie soundtrack moves you?

The Meaning of Life

The Thinker

Often in my 53 years of life I have pondered the meaning of life.  I’ve researched the topic, read the bible and other non-canonical works, and I continue to research other points of view.  I will continue to read other works of faith and spirituality.  Today I saw the movie trailer for the Life of Pi and then researched about the story and the author Yann Martel. On Wikipedia I read this:

In a 2002 interview with PBS, Martel revealed his inspiration for his novel, “I was sort of looking for a story, not only with a small ‘s’ but sort of with a capital ‘S’ – something that would direct my life.” He spoke of being lonely and needing direction in his life. The novel became that direction and purpose for his life.

I will read this book and watch this movie, because this is what interests me at this stage of my life. I admit that I too look for direction and purpose in life.  I am a person of faith, but one that does not believe in everything a religious institution tells me to believe. My faith is my own, I will not will it upon others, although I love a lively debate. We each can interpret religious text to our own needs if we choose, which is my belief that such choice was the gift of free will by our creator.  We are given this freedom of choice, but we are not free of the consequences.  Many of our moral and ethical beliefs are derived from thousands of years of religious beliefs.  We have the ten commandments and the three major religions from the line of Abraham. Do not kill and treat others as you would have them treat you seems a simple instruction. Yet we have so much sorrow and despair over the argument of faith.  Is it due to an invisible interference that creates woe?  Is there a literal war taking place in the ethereal world?  Many believe so, some believe it is pure myth.  If such things do not exist and we are no more than an intelligent animal, why then do we not just simply take what we want without worry of our own death?

There is very little description of heaven.  Dante provided a startling description of hell, but what about heaven?  We look into the night skies and ponder the powerful forces that created it and that which holds it together, and we call them the heavens.  What is our purpose in death and in an afterlife?

If you enjoy this realm of thinking, then I believe my trilogy – The Chosen One of Allivar, and the upcoming chronicles will give you thought in the form of a fantasy adventure mythology.  Mythologies revolve around a very simple story line: Creation, life, and end of times. In this mythology, I created the very questions I have and then attempted to answer my own questions.  Life is a test and we cannot pass the test until we understand its meaning. Is mankind doomed to constant failures of this test and when, if ever, we will stand together as one to pass this test?

I look forward to a civil and robust discussion on the source of your beliefs.  We have much to learn from each other, if we respect each others beliefs. In my mythical creation, Allivar means “The One Family”, and I sincerely believe my creator desires us to act as one.  The hero, Arimar, is the chosen one, but why was he chosen and chosen for what?  Surely you must want to know.

Cod Piece Revival

Henry A. Cod Piece

Mens fashion have become rather dull. I read that men look for two things when it comes to determining the success of a man: his watch and his shoes.  Really? I watch as my wife and daughter come home with many variations of clothing, jewelry and accessories.  All I get is a watch!  Here in Oklahoma we are bombarded by the Joseph A. Banks commercials, which run something like this, “Buy three shirts, get a jacket freeeeee! What a bargain.” Boring, absolutely boring.  We need to go all out Henry VIII on male fashion.  This is why I am suggesting the immediate revival of the cod piece.  We men have allowed the women to gain too much of the attention.  Old Henry was at the center of the fashion universe in his day and time.  They even applauded as he entered the royal chamber. Of course, you could be beheaded for not applauding.  I digress as usual.

Nothing shouts ego like a Henry A. Cod Piece.  That’s the name of my new store and here is my first radio commercial:

“Come into Henry A. Cod Piece this holiday season.  Buy three shirts, get a solid gold cod piece freeeeee. There’s nothing like a new cod under the old mistletoe or tree. Free wrapping and a nice big bow included.  What a bargain.” 

You see, it is all in the wording and visualization.  Of course, you can’t air this on television, as we must save the innocence of our youth.

As you walk into the bank or golf club you would be instantly noticed.  You’d hear people whisper, “Wow, look at his success!”  Of course, there would be those who cannot appreciate your flamboyant success and the gossip mill would go into full spin. “Well, I’d bet it’s just gold plated.”

Who needs a European man bag?  One of my collections would include a draw bridge where you can store your keys, wallet and iPhone.  Of course you’d draw even more attention when you set the iPhone on vibration mode.  I call this model the iPad. What! That name is already taken?  Okay, okay, the iCod then.

The more the cod piece is adorned, the better a man’s chances of attracting a mate.  Instead of them checking out your Mercedes or BMW, they’d be drawn to the lavish luxury of your cod piece. Of course, you’d have to remind them often to look up into your eyes. This being a just revenge for all the ladies with low cut shirts, which they of course do not wear on purpose (wink, wink).  Just like automobiles you can adorn your Henry A. Cod Piece with statues or racing stripes, giving a sleek and aerodynamically designed appearance.

When we go back and learn human history we can revive economies of old.  And speaking of revival, for our older customers we have the following advertisement:

“When you come into Henry A. Cod Piece and order the iCod, you get two months Viagra for freeeeee, freeeee, freeee!  What a bargain.”

Place your order today.  People are lining up, even camping overnight to be the first to get their hands on your cod, piece that is. Be the first to say, “I got mine!”

CPA versus Author (Jeykll and Hyde)

Alien vs Predator, Cowboys vs Aliens, Pokey vs Gumby – you name it there is always some duel between conflicting forces, but none more serious than those in our subconscious.  Inside of me are two conflicting characters.  One is the logical and analytical, drab and uninteresting CPA whose sole existence is protecting the good of the public interest. Then there is the author, whose imagination  was unleashed from the mortal prison of conformity to create or destroy.  Oh the power!


Since 1998 I have fought a battle over the complexities of the mortal induced madness called “The Code.”  Yes, that ridiculous collection of laws and regulations that bleed the unsuspecting turnip and even bloodless vampires every April 15th. Then there is the financial statement.  Yes the one that not too many read or understand.  The will buy a stock based on “coolness” factor rather than P/E ratio. I can spout off tax code and financial standards till I am blue in the face and my client crashes on the floor from a boredom induced sleep. I see myself as Dr. Jekyll, but my clients see me as hideous Mr. Hyde.

The Author

I have written stories, many still trapped in the dungeon of my mind, since 1976, but in 2011 I unleashed the product of a decade’s worth of plotting in my mythological quest with the trilogy – The Chosen One of Allivar.  Somewhere my other personality was dying to be set free and the words came easily, although not grammatically correct, which I blame on being a CPA.  Hey,  it’s a numbers thingy.  For ten years the hideous Mr. Hyde went to work plotting massive battles and evil deeds, while Dr. Jekyll said concentrate on tax returns and books.  I admit fully Mr. Hyde was winning within.  I wanted to break free and join the ranks of the deviously creative.

So what stands in the way of Mr. Hyde’s triumph?  You.  Yes you, the reader.  Here is your chance to cheer the Mr. Hyde in me.  Buy my books, review and rate me, then utterly and completely defeat, yes, defeat Dr. Jekyll.  Will you join me in my quest?  I need captains who will lead me to victory and seal Dr. Jekyll to the dark abyss forever.  So spread the word amongst the lands and across the seas.  Mr. Hyde shall soon be on the loose with more great tales of epic proportion.  Rise now!  Rise now!  For death and glory and new published story.

Dramatic – yes?

A fantistical and epic love story

Many women I know will not read a fantasy story.  When I ask, they simply say they do not like war or fantasy creations such as elves, demons, dragons, etc.  Part of a good fantasy, in my opinion, must pull together the elements of fantasy with a great love story.  What confuses me is the nature of most classical love stories – they are tragic. The man in the story dies, leaving the love stricken woman to mourn over him. Well, I’m a man and I don’t want to die for the woman in my life except to defend her.

In modern literature the love story appears to be written from a selfish perspective.  What I mean by this is that the story is told from the woman’s needs.  Maybe I am misinterpreting these stories, I don’t know. I recall “A Star is Born” in which the male lead was a drug addict, whose addiction lead to his own death.  That’s a love story?  I jokingly refer to the Female Code, here in my blog, as an uncrackable code controlled by constantly mutating genetics.  Seriously though, writing as a man is difficult, because I want the man to rise to a chivalrous deed for the woman’s behalf, but demonstrating that he has values he cannot sacrifice even for a woman.

With all of this mind, I wrote the love story of Arimar and Elissia in my trilogy – The Chosen One of Allivar. As a man I needed guidance from women readers and I received an earful! Today’s woman is much different than those in which male authors created the likes of Guinevere.  I chose to blend many attributes of today’s strong and independent woman into the character of Elissia.  However, the tragedy of this love story is from the male character’s perspective and introduces an almost forbidden love.  One of my female focus group readers admitted she couldn’t remain as loyal to Arimar as Elissia had.  Why did I write my story in this respect?  The story has many recurring themes, but at the heart are two: Faith and Sacrifice. Faith may seem to have religious connotation to many, but it has another meaning:

Belief that is not based on proof

Do we have faith in our spouses, parents, children, etc?  When someone says “I love you”, what proof is there?  None, it is a matter of faith.  In this story, Arimar has to have faith that the prophecy that proclaimed his being the chosen one would be fulfilled.  Elissia has to have faith in Arimar that he loves her.  He cannot utter the words, he is forbidden by the mythical creator – the Unseen, but his actions give her hope that he does.  She in turn has to sacrifice her needs to hear the words, for the ultimate good of all.  As Arimar struggles with his own need for love, so does Elissia.  This classic struggle is taken to the extreme in my story and its resolution left in doubt until the very end of the story.

Not only is this a love story of Arimar and Elissia, it is a love story of family, friends, those different from us, and of the love of our world and what is to be lost by succumbing to evil.  If you do not cry reading this story, tell me why, and I’ll be sure to see how I can move you in the next 16 stories of this mythology inside my head.

I am Killeon

I may be short, but my heart is big and sometimes my mouth even bigger.  Arimar has been my friend as long as I can remember.  I recall the day I first met him and we surrounded him.  He was scared stiff, but even more scared when my people lifted him from the ground and glided from tree to tree.  He didn’t know we had a membrane that allowed the Kernsh race, the stewards of the forest tops, to glide.  I think he is very jealous of this, well, and the fact that I am so fast with a knife.  I almost lost Arimar, my best friend, the day he fell from the trees and beyond the veil.  The enemy was harsh on the people for his actions and he blames himself.  He almost took his life that day.  Only one of my kin changed his mind.  I have met Keerith and she will become my wife.  Oh how I wished Arimar had someone.  Soon he will be called to fulfill the prophecy and I will accompany him on the journey.  The time has come and we set out on the adventure, although it has become more dangerous than I thought.  We first met Feng and then we are separated from Arimar.  After a long period we are reunited with Arimar and his new friend the giant Bothar.  After much danger our first part of our journey has ended.

I find myself captive and in the coliseum to witness Blood Run, and for the first time, I am actually frightened.  Arimar arrives and with us at his side we defeat the colossal champion – Ergon.  In the streets I meet many new friends, but those pesky children!  I am not a child! I am a Kernsh, don’t they know about the Kernsh? We are short but mighty warriors. My friend Arimar is now held captive at the royal palace.  Is he dead?  No, he lives and we are off back to our homelands.  Oh how I miss Keerith.  I only thought I was afraid in the coliseum, the forbidden lands are dark and full of monsters and demons.  Yet somehow we survive.

We made it home, through all odds,and most of us are alive.  I’ve made many new friends of the seven races, and now we are all going to be tested.  I may not live to see another day, but for all that I am and for all that I believe in, I will stand with Arimar.  He has named me a captain of the eastern section of the wall of Masara.  I will defend it as long as I can.  I watch as the great forests burn, my home, the home of my kin and kith.  I am saddened, yet angered on to fight. It seems hopeless. I have never seen so much carnage.  Will my kin and kith find a way to us and help us? We need it desperately now.  The battle is not going well, we have stood now for thirty-nine days, but I see no hope.

I am so small in this world of men and giants. Yet I will fight on, because I am a Kernsh.  I am Killeon.