Death and Taxes – The Series

My daughter introduced us to the series “House”, which is about the quirky savant Dr. Gregory House played by British actor, comedian and author Hugh Laurie.  We have found we love the series.  However, how come there isn’t a series about CPA’s?  I just think a hit series should be attempted and here’s why.  Have a CPA who also holds a Phd in taxation, let’s call him Dr. Hoss, ordering his junior staff to diagnose tax problems.  Here’s a sample of the dialogue from:

Episode One – Tax Due Dilemma

“Dr Hoss, Mr. Clampett is about to burst a Bezoar after looking at how much tax he owes,” says staff Forearm.

“Differential diagnose staff.  Quick give me some ideas!  Just know all taxpayers lie about something,” says Dr. Hoss

“Might be a LLP protrusion,” says staff Forearm.

“Or a LLC contusion combined with complex Tourette syndrome,” says staff Chutney.

“Nope, cursing over a tax bill is normal, scratch out the Tourette’s,” says Dr. Hoss  “Hmm, I think we need cut off part of his brain.”

“You’ll never get that past partner Cuddly,” says staff Camino. “Besides a simple S corporation could do the trick.”

“Forget Cuddly, she gives me anything I want.  I am actually being literal, don’t imply any erotic metaphor in my statement. Besides I was referring to the auditor, not the client, except this auditor has very little brains, so someone beat me to it.”

“Hey go easy on the Vicodin Dr. Hoss,” says Camino.

“Vicodin, this isn’t Vicodin, you idiot, this is Damnitol.  When you have dealt with lying clients and clueless IRS agents for 27 years, then you can come back and lecture me.  When’s the last time you sat in an audit and watched a client sweat blood?”

At that point a nurse rushes in,  “Mr. Clampett has gone into shock and is convulsing.”

Hoss yells out new orders, “Quick, I need new deductions and three credits STAT!”

Unfortunately Mr. Clampett dies from all the stress.  However, unlike Dr. House, the nightmare continues on as post-Morten taxes still haunt the dead.

“Quick pump him full of estate planning remedies, either we save him, or the IRS will milk a dead cash cow,” screams Dr. Hoss.

You see! This would make for one of the best series on TV and I want to be its writer.  Throw in wanton sex and you have a completely original series.

Episode Two – TurboTax Self Medication.

Here’s the teaser:

“Dr. Hoss, he just kept pushing button after button until he got the answer he wanted.  Is he going to live?”

Stay tuned, the suspense is killing you, I know it is.  Oh, and that’s $850 for the professional consult.


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