Man Club – October 2012 Edition (The Art of One Up)

I was refreshed recently by a British chap who took me to new heights of bantering.  He reminded me of the old days of Monty Python’s humor.  If you tried to outdo or “one up” the other, they would reply brilliantly back.  I miss the days of old where men were lumberjacks and we had secrets to ourselves.  Secrets we never allowed our girlfriend’s or wife’s to know about, especially about each other of them. We kept such secrets in the unspoken world of the Man Club.  We were the Knights of Honor and we kept straight faces.  Alas, the days have gone done in the west like winds over the mountains.  I digress as usual.

We men used to engage in belching contest when having a few suds.  You may have heard our sound effects in the movie “Days of Thunder.” We got the bean dinner joke in “Blazing Saddles,” because we also tried to one-up each other in with triple flutter blasts,  or one cheek sneaks.  We secretly joked about our golf game and the multiple holes we left in a person’s new stucco job.  We joked about being super human endowed and how cold the water was and how deep it was. We purposely attempted to one-up each other at everything.

I recall a time when my best friend and I lifted weights.  We’d buy signs like “Wimp, I bench 350!” only to be one upped by “Wuss, I do 350.12345.” At some point our muscles put Arnold Swartzenkofferbrauts to shame, we just had to outdo one another.  We could couldn’t walk our gluteus were so tight.

We’d talk about our heritage and how he was 1/2 Bohemian, but never mentioned the other 1/2.

“Oh yea well I’m 1/32 Cherokee, 1/32 Irish, 1/3 Albanese, 1/4 Mayan and 1/2 Texan.”

Looking confused he’d say, ” That’s more than 100%.”

Now being an architectural engineer student at the time my math skills were higher, “It’s calculus, you wouldn’t understand even if I tried to explain it.”

You see, the art of one upping your fellow man club member has died.  Nowadays many young men are relegated to who can down the most alcohol and wind up in ICU.  Sorry, not my idea of fun.  You win, I will not attempt to one up or one down you on that.

As we age our one up skills are diminishing.  Today, we talk more about who is fatter or who has less hair on their heads, but who has more in places hair should not be, such as “Take a good look at all that hair in ears.”  These days we could provide inventory to the hair club for men, with such exotic kinky ear hairs.  My wife plucks them for me, until one day she took a piece of my ear with the hair.  I really can live without the hair, my ear I need.  I digress yet again.

Well Man Club members it’s another month and you should reach out to a fellow member, invite them to a round of golf, bowling, or a bowl of beans and suds. Discuss the cool side effects of Viagra such as: “Wow it’s cold up in the clouds.” As rule 2 paragraph b. states:

“Do not insult a fellow member without haggling or bantering.  One up him and give him self esteem.”

Yea, yea, I know its not a real paragraph, but I am the president, vice president and sole dictator of this club.  Have a happy October.

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