I was involved, against my will, in a conversation with my pregnant daughter-in-law, daughter and wife about our upcoming grandchild. It was in that conversation that I learned another female friend of my daughter-in-law wanted to be the first to announce a pregnancy. My daughter had already announced she was freaking jealous of sister-in-law’s announcement. What is this? A baby race? Hmmm, that lead me to think about a totally absurd idea, my specialty, a Baby Olympics.
This is a series of events whereby women, induce the men in their lives, to sprint for the finish line so to speak. To call out the Rohirrim, to come to their aid or DEATH! Now we men, we like the training, sometimes four years before the actual event. But the women, heck no, no stretching, practice runs – nothing, nada, zippo. They want the man in their life to risk it all for their gold medal (a rounded belly.) To assist our ladies you can expect lavish meals, extra makeup, tight clothes, and soft sweet words whispered in their man’s ears. Do we respond? Well of course, don’t be silly. It’s what we men were made for. But in the event you have several women all vying for the Gold medal, it can get vicious. So here are the events:
3 meter platform belly flop – that’s because your competition just pushed you over while you weren’t looking.
100 meter pregnancy test sprint – first to the finish line with a blue indicator.
Nursery Sprint – The first one to have the nursery ready one week after the positive test results wins.
Naming Marathon – this is the period where names, silly or not, are floating around everyone’s mind. No one paid any attention to my choice of “Biggus Glutimous Maximus Greenlee.” But, but, it sounds so epic and Monty Pythonish!
Hurling – not to be confused with the winter sport of Curling, or an iron used on hair. This that brief period in the first trimester where women have a little stomach discomfort.
The ideas are limitless as is the female DNA code. So my loyal blogger readers and fellow imaginative authors, what baby Olympic event could you add this list? Be tasteful, but absurd, laughter is my quest. So join me in this thing called life.