Digital Foooooore!

I am surprised with all the technology in the world. I am also surprised what can’t be done with technology. For instance, instead of screaming foooore on the golf course, why can’t my balls have a little digital detector in it as it flies straight for a fellow golfers cart or head, or a homeowner’s new stucco job? It’s brilliant I tell you! I come up with these great ideas as much as my daily thoughts. This golfing early warning system would be a hit – literally. It would advise golfers that people like me are getting ready to tee off or attempt an OMG 9-iron shot. Little sirens could be heard by squirrels, deer and other course inhabitants to begin running for the next state. This technology would save me all the insurance premiums I have to pay for liability to life and property for playing the game.

I can hear it now; Siri interrupts your shot “Dave, author EW Greenlee is teeing off. Don’t walk, run!” Of course I rarely ever make it past the woman’s tee with my initial drive, but it’s insurance nonetheless. You should plan on all contingencies. If I am near you with my 9-iron then your iPhone or Android voice system would also warn you appropriately “Dave, guard your family jewels!”

Now if your phone screeches a loud shrill pitch, that’s a true emergency and the phone screams “WTFooooooore!”

This brings me back to all the technology. If Google can drive your auto, why not the golf cart? It senses the balls of the two players in the cart (not the OMG balls, your golf balls on the course. Please keep mind on subject) and drives you right up to the next shot. In the transit to the next shot it dispenses your favorite beverage. See I’m thinking of the profits the alcoholic beverage industry could make. On the cart would also be an on board camera so you can either prove how great a shot you made, or prove you are the only living sole on planet earth ever to kill a squirrel with one of your sucky shots. Think of all the “Golfers gone wild” videos, etc, etc.

With a struggling economy we have to dare to dream and give nerds new ideas that will simplify and enhance our daily lives. I’m just the guy who has dared to dream these crazy and absurd dreams. But do you think I am the only dreamer out there? Consider Andrew Schneider and his solar powered bikini. Now here’s a fellow on the right track. I also thought of LED bikini’s that flash mating advertising like “Hey bubba Bob, look at my booty!” Classy, huh? I need to share technology with Mr. Schneider.

No matter what, technology needs to spread to the game of golf. I’m tired of worrying about other players balls and yelling WTFooooore! I think my very own balls should be the first generation iBalls.

Now share with me what technology you think is needed in this new world order. If you like my imagination, be sure to check out my trilogy. Sorry, I must always and shamelessly plug my desire to sell books; it will keep me off the course. It’s for your own good and the good of your, ahem, balls.


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