Today I got into a Facebook raillery (banter) with a long time friend and all her female friends (aka gang members). I inserted my male logic about the art of nonverbal communication. It appears one of this group of women was concerned with the lack of honesty in this PC, sugar coated world of communications. Now, I assume that this had to deal with female-female communications where hormones and emotions are always on guard. Therefore I entered the fray to bring wisdom and peace to the world. Luckily I am 800 miles away, so I was feeling a little brave. We men have no problems with communication. When you see us staring at your body, we are merely observing your nonverbals. Some of you ladies are just plain screaming at us!
I injected the logic and wisdom that one should be an observer of the impact words have on a person – specifically body posture, facial expressions (sometimes finger expressions) and other nonverbal communications. Now I was the only male commenting, so I took some direct verbal punches. Then they all digitally hugged and kissed each other while I digitally threw up. A few in this hormonal gang stated that they respond to nonverbal communication with nonverbal kicking and strikes from bats. OMG! They even mentioned I could be a part of this loving and supportive group. Not with ten thousand men in front of me would I attempt such a feat, it is folly! Besides, my membership fee would only fund all their Margarita nights.
The reason I banter is to secretly delve into the world of women. It was today that I found out one of them was actually a professor of psychology and she never mentioned it. She is going to teach at Texas A&M. Now I paused at this discovery – Aggie Psychology. After ten minutes of laughing, I got back to business, which was riling up these women to make even more comments. Finally, it came out – the truth. One of their friends was on vacation and they admitted she was the pack leader. They are all alpha females! Heck, you can only have one alpha female, not ten. There is no such thing as an alpha pack. This is why women can’t communicate honestly without resorting to kicking, scratching, clawing, biting, running you over with an automobile, or assaulting you with a Louisville Slugger or Big Bertha driver. Pack animals will devour each other trying to exert dominance. This is why we men race off to the man cave and hold man club meetings, whenever numerous women gather. It’s pure unadulterated carnage!
Now one of this pack’s members suggested I had lost control of that conversation and that her attention was on a “squirrel.” She mentioned this twice! I now submit scientific proof that women are a pack of alpha female wolves. They can’t help it – it’s in their DNA code. And, specifically to my gang of wild alpha females in Corpus Christi, TX, let’s banter some more – you willingly supply me a year of blog posts! I am glad I could solve your dilemma with male logic and wisdom.
You are welcome!