Each month, I write about the DNA code of the female species. This month it was about FPR’s (Female Pheromone Release) and its effect on the minds and bodies of us men. It leads to Testosterone Overdose (TO’s) and complete and utter insanity among men.
This month we have to have a special meeting of the club and give special support to our single brethren. Why? You are under attack because you are being hit with so many FPR’s, that suddenly a CP (Commitment Pheromone) can slip into your simple DNA code and lead to the binding of the men of earth by the true Lords of the Rings – “women.” That’s right – women are dark, sinister lords that seek to bind us with the one ring.
It all starts with an itty-bitty polka-dot bikini. We men turn our attention to the bikini and, like a skunk, we are sprayed by women’s pheromones. It is colorless and odorless, but skunky nonetheless. It turns our attention so long that our beer gets warm and skanky. Ever notice the commercials about skanky beer? Well, now you know the reason! What’s worse is that we are being bombarded by our ladies FPR’s in June that lead to the first ring of imprisonment – the engagement ring. Blame this on the bikini – it is altogether evil!
Once they have us bound to the first darkness, they are working to bind us for a second darkness, which is, and you should be guessing this – The June Wedding! Shocker! What? You never saw this coming? You just now realize your lady is skunking you with more FPR’s, JP’s (Jealousy Pheromones) and CP’s? This is why you need brushing up on all Man Club acronyms such as FPR, JP, CP, TO and GROSS. What? You forgot what GROSS means? “Get Rid Of Skunky girlS.”
If for some reason you have already made it past the engagement ring, you are doomed. Now even with ten thousand man club members, we would not dare such a deadly rescue quest. This is because your fiance’s friends would skunk our other single members. If your wedding is this month, we shall lament as the two ring bands join together to bind you for eternity.
Since it is June, we highly suggest our members take a month long “man” trip somewhere safe and bikini free. No, that does not include a nude beach or camp. Control your testosterone levels! Overdose is not a pretty sight.