We are now officially into June and the female bikini sweeps summer is in full session. So much that young and old men alike are already losing their minds from TO (Testosterone Overdose), as a direct result of the FPR global crisis (Female Pheromone Release). I have scientists that can support my theory. Somewhere in the female DNA code lays instructions to snap on those bikinis and release pheromones. Now all us men affected by those pheromones have to dive into the ocean to cool off, thereby warming the ocean waters and releasing massive cyclones known as Hurricanes, pronounced as “Her-A-Canes” So, it is “man” that actually created global warming after all. I have statistical data for support.
This also explains why we men down enough beer in the summer to increase the gross domestic product by 10%. We need to cool off. Now the very young men, high school and college aged guys, have testosterone levels that are so high their brains stop functioning. Yes, you read that right, their brains stop functioning! This is due, mainly, to the FPR influence with irregular blood flow distribution. All you have to do is watch YouTube for stupid stunts and fights of young men, thrashing around in water, drinking beer and beating each other upside the head. What you won’t see is all the females on the shore or on boats, cheering it on and releasing massive amounts of additional pheromones. There should be a law against FPR’s, banning it from public places where men and beer congregate!
Now if you ladies happen to have a man already, you have a genetic instruction to release JP’s (Jealously Pheromones). JP’s keep men at bay and overrides a man’s PT’s (Peeping Testosterone’s). Sometimes the JP’s and PT’s just collide and fights can and do occur. Somehow new female chemicals are released that swoon us men back to the little boys we once were. You see, the female code is very sinister – very calculating and dark. It is a virus that attacks our simple code and embeds new lines of code that lead the man to the bondage of marriage. That’s when the FPR’s cease coming and CP’s are emitted (Commitment Pheromones).
Thankfully, FPR’s released into the atmosphere begin to subside as the calendar pages turn to Fall and hurricanes subside. See! It makes complete scientific and logical sense! Yet trying to decode the female code is illogical and does not compute. Okay, my wife is standing over my shoulder reading this and kissing on my neck. Dang FPR’s – I NEED A BEER!