When did Vampires Become Romantic?

Imagine you are on a date and across from you is a nice and normal looking young woman, sitting eloquently in the nice and dark restaurant she suggested for the first date. Then she smiles at you and you notice long and very pointy canines. Is that the moment you fall deeply and madly in love? Or is that the sign to run for the daylight? So when did vampires become such a romantic creature? I did some research on the origins of vampires and myths around the world. Here is something I found unusual in a Discovery News article written by Benjamin Radford.

“There are also vampire stories from South America, including a creature called the likichiri, said to seek victims in the highlands of the Andes Mountains, particularly in Peru and Bolivia. This vampire has an interesting twist: it steals not blood, but fat.”

Fat? Okay! Writers and lovers of the vampire genre you now have a new subject matter to expand on. Since we are a nation approaching a 50% obese rate, vampires by the millions are gathering force to liposuction the country. Gee, how very romantic this story is going to be.

“Stories of vampiric creatures in South America date back as early as the 16th century. Spanish historian Cristobal de Molina reported in 1571 that rumors circulated among Indians of the central Andes that the Spanish had arrived in Peru seeking not gold but human fat. The fat, they believed, was exported to Europe and used to cure specific diseases.”

Exporting of fat? Now they are also entrepreneurial vampires. Now my first name happens to be Edward, so my wife and I joke frequently about me being the Edward in the Twilight book, less the sparkling. Imagine Edward telling Bella about his fat export business! Yummy. “I knew he was a vampire, exports fat, and I know I was hopelessly, eternally, and insanely in love!” Somehow it just doesn’t work, does it? Don’t get me wrong, I applaud all authors who find that niche of readers and make a fortune. But it is also fun to spoof just about any story. I absolutely love all things J.R.R. Tolkien, but I have seen some hilarious spoofs and admire those that do the spoofing.

I watched some of the movie “Vampires Suck”, which was a spoof of the “Twilight” phenom. It has very funny moments. But maybe in the next spoof they can include a likichiri. So fellow authors, get busy writing about a fat loving, romantic vampire. Audiences are drooling at the prospect. Oh, and sprinkle some bacon bits on before the bite.

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This entry was posted in Humor.

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