I have come to realize I get invited to golf because I boost the egos of those that suck at golf. If it were not for the fact that I redefine “sucking at golf”, I’d be here at home all by my lonesome, bugging my wife whose only comment is “Go mow the lawn!” But since I just mowed 30 seconds ago, I know my company is not wanted by the love of my life. At least not this month and it’s just May 9th.
We men go golfing just for the sake of being men. It gets us away from honey-do’s. We all suck at golf but it is simply too irresistible to deny the comradeship. “Hey Bob, I just sliced into those people’s new stucco job!” Now the buddy, according to Man Club rule 21.1 subsection B, paragraph two clearly states:
“When a buddy’s shot sucks so bad, compliment him on the damage done to life and/or property.”
So being a faithful club member I reply, “Dang Jerry, that’s one heckuva of a hole there pal. You must have had some power behind that slice.”
You see? Now Jerry feels good about himself. He can go home and talk at length how his buddies complimented his power game. Now our wives pretend to listen. “Yes, honey that’s nice. Does the lawn need mowing? If not, there’s a list over there.” That’s when Man Club rule 3.1 subsection k, paragraph three is placed into action:
“When the wife mentions list, walk away as though you didn’t hear her.”
Later she will insist you are going deaf and paragraph four of the same rule and subsection will come into affect.
Yeah, yeah my paragraphs are not really paragraphs. (Nodding)
So we golf buddies then get together and slam down a few cold ones and begin our intellectual conversations on golf, fish, women and the upcoming months of bikini sweeps advertising. It’s always about the “Big One” that got away. Soon we return to our domicile and continue nodding until we nod ourselves to sleep in our Lazyboy recliners having successfully avoided the “list” and her question on how she looked in her new bikini.
You can now see that strict adherence to the Man Club rules leads to peace and tranquility. Beware, May is the beginning of the toughest challenge to all man club rules. Soon hordes of women will be advertising their brand, with itty-bitty bikinis on hot sandy beaches or pools. Stay thirsty my friends!