Female Code – April 2012 Edition (Of Leather and Hair)

As I have mentioned I will be writing about the female code though all eternity and still only have deciphered the first line of the 16 trillion lines of code. This month’s edition is about all the hair bands of the 70’s and 80’s. I caught a glimpse of the female mind through my wife and comments of other females I know.

It’s all in the hair man! It’s an envy thing! People like Bon Jovi who had long, curly and thick hair are the envy of the female universe. It’s not about sex appeal, it’s about envy. A quote from my wife was, “All that hair! It’s all wasted on guys.” Remember “Silence of the Lambs”, where the criminal wanted the skin of a woman? There are psychos everywhere, but a coliseum filled with 18,000 screaming women? That’s just plain suicide.

Now fast forward and look at most of the men of today. Short hair, bald or shaven heads. Why? It is only to protect that hair! We know what you are up to! If you see a lady on the street with some gorgeous thick mane, we now know it was some rock star sacrificed for the wig that these ladies pass around like an uneaten fruitcake. Then we get down to leather. I am sure it was also guy rock stars that introduced tight leather pants. The ladies now had ultra-envy. Tight pants and thick hair, wow, what a fashion statement. I’m not sure what envy Lady Gaga had in wearing a beef outfit, and I am not going there, that is somewhere on line 15 trillion in the code.

Ever heard the song “Dude Looks Like a Lady”? It’s all wrong; the actual lyrics should have been this:

“Backstage stealing our hair cover,
are girls envious of their brother,
and much to my surprise,
was a girl trying to steal my leather tights,

na na, na na, chick looks like a dude!”

This study is not scientific proof. I also firmly believed that you could strap on a guitar, wear a wig and tight pants and sing songs like “Sunday Afternoon” by Keith Urban and drive your wife to a passionate frenzy. I tried it, but all I got was “Go mow the lawn! And please take off my wig and pants.” She just doesn’t know a superstar when she sees one. So, off to explore line 2 in the female code, without any further success (I am certain of that!) Next month will be a post on “Computer code and the female code – the real story behind Y2K.”

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