“E” is for Electrocution & Experiments

Many writers and bloggers are doing an A to Z writing challenge. I read one today that said E is for Electrifying. Well of course that sparked (no pun intended) my imagination to events of my electrifying past.

At the age of two, I used my mother’s car keys to attempt to start up the house, literally. I placed the key into the wall starter (outlet) and blew the circuits out as well as blew myself a few feet backwards. The key melted inside the socket while blackening it and the wall. Luckily my parents gave me a flat top haircut back then, so my hair didn’t look like a photo of Einstein. That was round #1 with electricity.

My next Edison experiment was taking apart a record player to see the inner workings. The goal was to replace it back in the original condition, but the player wasn’t cooperating. As I plugged it in and pressed the play switch, it began to hum, vibrate and then died with a sudden pop. Oh well, I only had a couple of records anyway.

My third experiment included a broken hula hoop and an exposed electrical cord. I wanted to see what would happen if you placed the cord inside the hollow hula hoop and then plug it in the wall. Well, it was a very interesting scientific observation. The opposite end of the hula hoop melted and fused together to close off the opening. Then it expanded into the size of a balloon. Finally it exploded and took off like a comet until it reached the upper atmosphere (ceiling). Now at that point I had to discard the evidence of said experiment as my mother is racing through the house looking for the source of the blackout, smoke and sonic boom. As she entered my lab (room) she asked, “What happened?” My response was clear, unequivocal, direct, and honest – “I don’t know!” I guess the angelic look on my sweet little face convinced her. How I got away with that one I’ll never know.

Now you would think by now my parents would learn. One year I got a BB gun. Let me tell you a BB gun is a multi-purpose weapon. Not only can you shoot ant beds, you can use it as a bottle rocket guidance device. My friends and I saved bottle rockets and would go out in a vacant field to have bottle rocket wars. We just used the BB guns to guide our rockets. Luckily, I am not blind nor any of my comrades. Never mind the small grass fires, those are just collateral damage.

BB guns are not household security devices either. One day a black, and innocent, jumping spider was on my parents’ bedroom window. So here is where I decided to test my marksmanship. Well, the spider is still alive today laughing his ass off. I missed and placed a small hole into the window. Not leaving said experiment alone I just had to touch the hole. That’s when cracks began to spread out. Luckily it didn’t just fall out. When my mother saw this she again asked, “What happened?” My response was clear, unequivocal, direct, and honest – “I don’t know!” This time my angelic facial expression didn’t work. Well, so much for the BB gun and my BB (Bruised Buttocks). To this day I am haunted by the violence a fly swatter can inflict.

Well I didn’t become an Einstein or an Edison, just another frustrated scientist. But I never gave up, for F is for Flammable.

I told you I was the evil twin of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes fame!

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This entry was posted in Humor.

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