Language of an Author

One thing that makes me laugh so hard is the thought of acting like a Masterpiece Theatre author. For example, I dream that one day I’ll be wearing a tweed jacket and either a fedora hat or ascot cap. Around my neck would be a wool scarf and I’d be puffing on a pipe, while sloshing my wine glass side-to-side checking for impurities, sniffing its alcohol content and getting a pre-drink buzz. Then my language would be other worldly and “Yaz” would replace “Yes.” My interview would go something like this (I) for interviewer (M) for me.

(I) Tell us about your masterful trilogy.

(M) Yaz, of course I would love to. It’s what I live for, yaz. (Takes a sip of wine and puff on the pipe, while head is titled upwards looking down at interviewer). My story is like this fine and perfect wine here, yaz. It is eloquently pure and clean, intoxicating the reader to turn to the next page, yaz. Yet is it warm and inviting like my fedora hat here, yaz. (Takes another sip of wine, tilts and sloshes)

(I) Are you saying your trilogy was inspired by wine and fedora hats?

(M) No, you silly subhuman, readers need context and metaphorically ethereal revelation, yaz. (Now takes gulp of wine)

(I) Your story has a being that glides from tree-to-tree – what masterpiece inspired you here?

(M) The Chronicles of Squirrels, Yaz. You see, my good man, one must observe the surreal nature around us to be inspired, yaz. (Takes another glass of wine and consumes 1/2 in first gulp. Eyes begin to dilate, pipe ash and tobacco spilling out as pipe nods in unison with my head)

(I) That’s it? Ten years of writing and your inspiration was squirrels.

Now this is where my ruse becomes apparent, as the wine has finally overtaken my senses and my oxygen deprived brain drops the pipe.

(M) Yazziree (burps)…is it hot in here? (Takes off Fedora, scarf and shirt) The trilogy was, was…what’s the word. Oh come on! I practiced this speech for six weeks at my Toastmasters club. Yaz, yaz it was a literacical (sic) challenge. Do you know how hard it is to write fright at night consuming a good white from the Rhine? (Swaying back and forth, dribbling wine on now bare chest)

(I) Well this has been revealing look at author EW Greenklee!

(M) Yaz! (I lean over to shake hands and fall flat on face. Snoring ensues)

(I) Join us next week on the not near Masterpiece, Masterpiece Theatre.

The point to this rambling is just read my trilogy. It was never written to win anything except your imagination. I am a 53 year old accountant who just loves to tell stories. And if for some reason you meet me at a book signing or other event, wearing an Ascot, scarf, tweed jacked and I use “YAZ”, please knock the yahoo back into me.

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This entry was posted in Humor.

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