Of Special Effects and HD

For Christmas I purchased a 60″ LED HDTV. I bought it because my eyesight is getting worse and the larger the screen the better. I did not know what I was getting myself into though. When they mean high definition, they MEAN it. The actors almost appear to be in the room with you, which is spooky. You can also see past all their makeup to see their imperfect human flesh. That much definition leads to depression. This is sad because I don’t even have Blue-Ray or 3D definition. HMC (Holy Mother Cow!)

This leads me to 3D. I already wear contact lens so why would I want to wear glasses? Is high definition in two dimensions not techie enough? It’s already scary to look at acne in 1080p, which is 1,080 zits per square inch. We thought about getting a surround sound system installed until the $13,000 price tag was displayed, then I saw 3D without any assistance as my eyes bulged out. Now I love a big screen and sound, but for less than 2K, I achieved my home viewing heaven.

But what’s next? You know they are already inventing something to make you envious of your neighbor. When Tom next door comes over to tell you about his IMAX theater man cave nirvana, you are curious to check it out. It is complete with stadium seating and a Hooter’s waitress to deliver your popcorn and hot wings (wink – wink) and the Clydesdale horses that just delivered all the ice cold Bud. Suuure, I might just get a little envious, until the sound system kicks in and caves in my chest and head. Then all perspective is restored.

I read that the adult movie industry (sounds contradictory doesn’t it) now has toys you can connect to for a new experience. I am reminded of the techie movie “Wall-E” with all the overweight humans slurping down what I presume to be diet soda (wink – wink). We have become techno gadget addicts. At this very moment I watch my wife play Scrabble with a friend in California via her SmartPhone and I type these observations on my new Dell Precision T3500. We need to just walk away from these gadgets and gaze at the ocean waves or glistening stars in the Milky Way or the streakes of lightning during a spring storm at night. These special effects awaken our senses and are always in a full panoramic view.

Ah nature. Which reminds me…it’s time for Monster Bug Wars on the Science Channel. You just can’t imagine what they look like on a 60″ LED HDTV. Yes, I am doomed.

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This entry was posted in Humor.

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