Of Diet Soda and Snack Mathematics

This blog is dedicated to numerous topics, but most of it to human absurdity. And what can be more absurd than diet sodas and snacks? I have observed so many friends and people who are diet food fanatics. They can tank down a case of diet sodas in no time flat. So now it is time for a little mathematics course on calories:

1 fully leaded soda @ 200 calories = 200 calories
1 case diet soda @ 40 calories each = 960 calories

Then we get into all those “healthy” packs of snacks with only 100 calories. One pack or one serving would be great, but we can’t stop there, until the entire ten packs are consumed. So add another 1,000 calories.

So your healthy snacking equation looks something like this (960+1,000 = no weight loss).

Have you read that we do not even rank in the top 20 in mathematics in the world? I think it’s a conspiracy. There is some chemical in these diet foods that alters our ability to perform simple math. I swear one time while at the gym working out on an elliptical machine, an advertisement was displayed for those snack packs. For those with will power issues, that’s like calling ‘souie, souieeeee’ (sic) to a hog on the farm. The message conveniently appears when you have burned off exactly 40 calories. The equipment company uses very sophisticated AlGoreisms. They are math geniuses.

Those same chemicals that lead to over consumption and poor addition, also lead to pills to counteract the effects of diet checmicals, which lead to a 100 different prescriptions to counteract each other. It’s a conspiracy I tell you. Then we have school lunches. Let’s see, give our precious treasures choices: pizza or brocoli, with a diet soda chaser and healthy snack pack desserts. So next time you fumble with balancing the checkbook or agruing with a teacher over junior’s algebra scores, just remember to blame it on the diet snack industry.

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This entry was posted in Humor.

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