Remodeling the Castle

A man’s home is his castle, so they say. So why is it most castle’ across the world look old, gray and in disrepair? Because remodeling is one big pain in the butt! I have just a small castle, but I dote on it like a great king of old. But just know that the queen in my kingdom also likes said castle. After 30 years of united castle protection and remodeling in various states we picked a final resting place for our final stand. Now this castle had been in a state of disrepair before we lay siege to it and took possession. We are now into the 2nd year of said castle renovation.

At age 53, this is the last castle I will renovate. Due to time, money and one aching back, this is it. Said castle will fall to the fate of others across the world. This king wants to relax and find some peaceful moments and write literary masterpieces, yaz. If said queen says “I don’t think I like the paint anymore, can we try a different one?” my comeback we will be “Do you recall the fate of Anne Boleyn?” Maybe this will discourage any more renovations in this king’s lifetime. And please do not let there be reincarnation. Or, if it is my fate to come back, please let me come back as an adorable Golden Retriever. Our retriever, Ruby, just lies there as I smash my finger or get paint in my eye and yell obscenities that cause minor tremors. I am sure if retrievers can think, she is thinking “What a fool, bwahahahaha!”

I also wonder if kings of old remodeled while sipping on wine, a margarita or a mai tai. This is how I make the pain of renovation less taxing. Although my paint lines are a little crooked, I attribute this to artistic expression. I am a pickled Picasso on rare occasions and the aforementioned queen does not appreciate my artistry flair. Today we finished another round of painting, sanding and even a little grounds work. This week we have slaves (contractors) to deliver a slab of stone granite to finish off our latest round of innovation. What did we renovate you might ask. Well the bar of course!

As Mel Brooks once said “It’s nice to be the king!”

Hail and cheers to all my fellow kings and knights.

This entry was posted in Humor.

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