Gas Passing Goldens & Other Pet Absurdities

We have a very sweet and loving Golden Retriever named “Ruby” who we rescued.

Above is her first day in her forever home. She is now 3 years old which makes her about 21 in dog years. Because of her allergies she has to have a special diet so we purchase Dick Van Patton’s dog food Nature’s Balance Bison and Sweet Potato at $60 per bag. Now, she is the first dog I have ever owned that passes gas louder than her owners. What is funny is that it scares her when she does it and she barks or tucks tail and runs as she looks behind to see what caused the noise. Even funnier is that she loves to put a paw on you. Is this dog humor? “Quick pull my paw!” Even worse are the silent destroyers that come in the evening as she naps before bedtime. Luckily for me she rests at the feet of my wife. But the odors carry across the room, thick and low, like some ominous cloud of death.

We also think she is part shark and/or beaver, because she will eat almost anything – especially wood. Fetching a stick she does not do. Whatever genes normally associated with a retriever are not found in Ruby. She would rather take a stick and then go off into some corner and devour it. She has also consumed numerous glass shards from a broken Pyrex cooking dish. She is indestructible! So like any good parent we baby proof the home.

I once had a cat that would suck on my earlobe while gently digging his claws into the skin. Now this just tickled but what in the world would cause this? I need a call from the “Cat Whispererer.” (sic)

I also had a Husky/Malamute mix which I named CUJO. He became was a 70 pound lapdog wannabe. Then there were two Schnauzers that were escape artists and two Springer Spaniel sisters abandoned that we rescued as well. The surviving sister, Molly, was without a doubt the sweetest and most loving dog I have ever been given the privilege to be a caretaker for.

I recall watching a Golden Retriever service dog a few years ago. I was touched at how dutiful the dog was. I have watched the news on drug sniffing, cadaver, and hospice therapy dogs do dangerous and emotional work. Some can even detect cancer and other ills. They sense our pain and leap into action to comfort us, unconditionally.

Most of us refer to ourselves as master or pack leaders. I challenge this notion. It is humans who domesticated the dog to serve our needs, which in turn they do with incredible loyalty. We owe much to them. So it occurred to me that I am a steward, charged with the protection and well being of a gift bearing living work of art. So there is nothing absurd now regarding all the walks, brushings, special diet, bathings and yes, even the gas passing. Ruby and all her kind are part of Allivar, The One Family.

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