Sex, sex, sex, sex. Okay that’s enough to get me 8,230,000,000 hits on Google today within ten seconds after publishing. That includes a few billion hits from men on Mars, but females on Venus are not amused.
As I mentioned last month, we men are actually ultra complex. We are just sly and calculating. My comments above just proved it. We use complex algoreisms in our computations. We men invented PeekBook algoreisms so that we could have spies infiltrating the realm of, and further document of the Female Code. Ladies, have you ever seen the signs displayed at baseball and football games? You know the ones; the signals that look like play calls? Nope, those are signals of code like “Wow, did you see the head cheerleader over there?”
But just as we are infiltrating the world of women they too are infiltrating ours. How you ask? Did you notice them sneaking into our weekend sporting events wearing jerseys, serving beer and junk food? Surely this is not just dawning on you? Suckers! Our ladies jump up and down cheering when we get called for a holding penalty. The cheerleaders were chanting “Hold Em, Hold Em!” and dancing suggestively and the wrong signals were sent out. How can you spot a Man Club infiltrator? This is fun, I promise you. Ask them these top ten questions:
- How many tight ends are there on a team?
- Why does the quarterback place his hand under the tight end’s crotch?
- How many interceptions did the tight ends make today?
- Name each tight end on first, second, third, fourth and fifth bases?
- Why do tight ends slap other’s tight ends ends?
- What inning are you in when the tight end is relieved?
- Why does the tight end do when there is a squeeze play?
- What does a tight end sacrifice in a sacrifice fly?
- What do all the tight ends say in the tight end pile up?
- How tight is the tight end’s end when the tight game ends? (Make them repeat the question 3 times)
Have tissues ready, you are going to laugh so hard you will cry with all the answers to the questions. This will be the top-selling sequel to “Clueless.”
You see men, women see only one thing during a sporting event, the “Tight Ends!” And they think sex is all we have on our minds. Wow, there are 6 million more hits. So if you are looking for SEO (Search Engine Optimization) just remember sex and tight ends. So build protective walls to your cave and prepare for weekend sieges to your realm. Deprive the ladies of their tight ends and there is no telling how bloody the battle will be.
Carry on my wayward sons!