Golfing and OMG

I love golfing, but it does not love me back. I am dangerous on a golf course. If you follow me at all, you will know that OMG might mean “Oh My Groin”, or even “Oh My Golfing.” Let me tell you of a time when the two came together.

I started golfing late in high school. I even took lessons. It didn’t matter. I have never shot below 100. Well one day in high school my father took me golfing and I think I scored 120 on the front nine. As I stood all dejected on the 9th green, I was swinging my 9 iron, when my father came to cheer me up. Big mistake on his part. As he stood to the left side of me, he failed to recognize that I was swinging said 9 iron. For some bizarre reason, I moved and yes, you guessed it “Oh My Groin!” My father collapsed on the green and people were rushing to attend to him. They all thought he might have suffered a heart attack. Well yeah, but only after I attacked his groin! I didn’t mean it, I swear, I absolutely idolize my father. Even to this day when I pull out the 9 iron, he is nowhere to be seen.

So fast forward a few years and in my 20’s I was golfing with some friends when my ball immediately found its target – a tree. Not just any tree, but a tree with a squirrel in it. One chance in a bazillion to hit that squirrel and I did it. I’m sorry squirrel, I really am. So now wherever I go there is an alarm that squirrels sound off. The birds and other rodents all recognize this alarm and have left not only the fairway, but also the county. Most of the times they are completely safe as I am regularly known not to drive past the women’s tee, which gives all the women in line behind us a chuckle. I can still hear them say “Wuss!”

Now to continue on with the “Oh My Golfing” tales – in my late 40’s my father and I again, had a close encounter. It was my second shot and he pulled the golf cart about five feet in front of me. I warned him, I did. “Pull back the cart.” He insisted he was safe. Well as usual the ball headed right to the nearest tree and ricocheted back at the cart. Luckily the safety Plexiglas prevented my assassin’s shot from succeeding.

Now at age fifty-three I have decided to take up archery. I have forewarned my father and sent a tweet to all #Squirrels. The term “Straight as an arrow” is about to be tested and all rules of physics broken. Well at least I’m done with the OMG 9-iron.

Stay tuned.


PinTwitBookBlog – Technology Insanities

I don’t know how many of you think about this, but the vast number of sites dedicated to social media has grown out of proportion. You read “experts” who say you now need an MBA in social media. I’m just trying to sell a $2.99 eBook, not solve the world’s unemployment issue and increase professor tenure at major universities. I have a blog (yes this is what you are reading), a Twitter account, a Facebook page, a Pinterest page, a website, email and even a PO Box. Whew, recall the promises of technology pirates Gates and Jobs of technology simplifying life? Well did they? Be honest. Maybe they simplified the use of technology so that your job can be done with a program or app. Yes, unemployment will simplify your life.

I’ve seen a lot of advances in technology in my 53 years on this blue ball. Not all technology has advanced us, but it has entertained us and quite frankly, devoured precious time from our lives. I am the world’s worst SmartPhone user. I need it for two basic purposes, telephone calls and email. I read the email so I can call and respond to people’s needs. I do not text; I am doing that right now. And sexting? Please! I’m 53 years old, -I have many other tasks I would like to complete in this lifetime rather than look at photos and sexy words of other 53 year old females!

There is an entire world out there beyond your computer. I notice people walking and staring at their phones, while the world passes them by. I for one want to interact with my world and the people in it. Technology allows for some of that when distance is an issue, but if we continue on current trends, the only world we will know is the one in the spare bedroom were our technology center is housed. We will lose all ability to interact in social settings, interview for a job, or handle reality. Virtual reality has been a fun ride, but it cannot substitute the real thing. But for all you young adults and teenagers out there, heed my advice, the jobs of the future will be dependent on your technology skills.

So next time you add a new social media to your daily routine, just remember and try to repeat three times in a row, out loud:

“PinTwitBookBlog”, “PinTwitBookBlog”, “PinTwitBookBlog”!

See, insane isn’t it?

Self Inspiration – The Jessica Way

If you have never watched this video, you owe it yourself to watch. What you can learn from it is very powerful. It’s the power of self affirmation.

We live in a pessimistic society, where keeping people down can boost our own ego. At times the only optimistic person in your life is yourself. My motto for 2012 was “Just Watch Me.” This was based partly on my entire life’s attitude, when everyone around said you can’t or shouldn’t do that. Have I had failures? You bet! Have I had successes? You bet! But what keeps me going at age 52 is the thirst for more knowledge and willingness to learn and try new things. I have limited time on this blue ball and I watch to draw out of it all that at can. I want to recall the wonderment of being a child and day-dreaming of stories and inventions. I want to surpass what a 52 year old man can do physically and mentally. I want those that believe they are the only experts to see that I am a human being capable of learning anything and that their opinion will be heard, but that it will not detract me from accomplishing what I seek.

Do you need inspiration? Do you need affirmation that you are important? Well, here it is. I believe in you, as I believe in myself. If I can accomplish all that I have, so can you. But, it will not come without an undying effort to be the best you can be. This means you must listen to criticisms and self assess your own weaknesses, because no one is ever perfect. But, you must associate yourself with those that want to see you succeed. Ever heard of the phrase, “Misery loves company”? When you associate with a pessimist, it is because you share a bond that the world is against you both. Your fellow pessimist will want to keep you down, because it supports their thinking and boosts their own self importance. We all too often follow that which we want to believe, without expanding our scope of the world. That narrow vision limits your knowledge. You must learn to be as independent as you can and to understand an opposing viewpoint. There are no absolutisms, other than death and taxes.

So as you look in the mirror, it is the person on the other side that is the only one going to hold you accountable for the direction of your life. Now clap your hands together and proclaim “I love life and I can accomplish anything.” Then charge out of the house and seize the hour of the day.

Of Vertigo

I like to kid around in most of my posts, but this subject is serious and not to be taken lightly.  First, let me give you a little background.  Four years ago, while living in the mountains of New Mexico, I came down with the flu.  This flu was tough.  What happened next is something everyone needs to pay close attention to.  If you get dizzy, and that dizziness will not leave, get to a qualified doctor immediately.  Do not rush to a county clinic or to a doctor whose office caters to Medicare and Medicaid patients; they are running a volume practice.

When my dizziness would not stop, even after a week, I called and demanded a referral to a specialist.  I could not function as everything in my sight was bouncing back and forth, causing nauseau, vomiting and inability to perform tasks to run my CPA business.  My wife had to drive me everywhere and my ability to earn a living began to suffer.  I could not even type.  It was horrible.  Well, after finally taking matters into my own hands, I finally went through a series of tests, including a CAT scan for the presence of tumors.  Luckily I was clear of that.  I then went to a specialist, who referred me to yet another specialist.  In the end, it was concluded that a nerve from my ear to my brain had been destroyed by the flu virus, creating vertigo.  Therefore, one function of the ears that provides equilibrium was lost forever.  Astronauts returning to earth experience this vertigo.

Luckily, the same therapy astronauts’ use was available for me.  When your ears do not provide the equilibrium, the eyes then must convince the brain that all is correct.  So for 8 months I underwent this therapy and all returned to normal, although at times, my ability to type is affected.  But at points along the way, I was convinced my life had been altered forever and I would have to deal with a life-long disability.

I tell you this story because a client of mine while in the mountains, an orthopedic surgeon, also suffered the attack of a virus.  He did not seek attention in time and the virus attacked his central nervous system. He has lost a majority of control over his motor skills, his way of life and ability to work is permanently disabled and he is dependent on others, for life.

So please, tell everyone you know to take dizziness very seriously.

Premise for Catastrophe

Okay all you writer’s out there, here is premise that can lead into a wide array of stories. This is an extremely scary topic – the national debt. If you have never seen it, take time to look at this link:

National Debt Clock

As a CPA and financial advisor, the numbers that appear there are unimaginable, astronomical and, quite frankly, catastrophic. Japan recently began discussions on their own country’s financial Armagedden. In the novel “The Road” by Pulitzer Prize winning novelist Cormac McCarthy, there is an unknown catastrophe, but one that leads to the basic instincts of survival and even cannibalism to that effort. In a recent documentary titled “The Crumbling of America”, our national infrastructure was given a rating of “D.” Add in the crippling absolutism of our two-party political system and the perfect storm towards catastrophe can be written about.

Consider what might happen if all of a sudden our financial system failed. The subprime mortgage fiasco of 2008 was the wake up call. Notice in the debt clock the term “Unfunded Liabilities.” In simpler terms, this might read “We promised you, but we lied.” There is no possible scenario that we can recover $117 trillion dollars to meet those promises. When promises are broken people riot. Take a close look at Greece or even the Arab Spring. When people lose faith they will take matters into their own hands. They will fight, murder, steal and collect members to dominate, ie: form gangs. This is nothing new; it is history being repeated. However, this next time around it will be more sobering. Why?

We are dependent on an energy grid for all the conveniences we now take for granted. We are dependent upon technology that also requires energy. More than 80% of the people in the US live in cities and have no clue on survival skills, farming, etc. When a catastrophe hits and all electricity is lost, food spoils, fresh water cannot be pumped and sewers do not work. It happened before in the 2003 Northeast blackout. Most of our money is now transacted via digital transmission thus you will have no access to your money. There is NO App for that.

So as you look for ideas for stories, take a good hard look at our current state of affairs. It is a series of horror stories that should be told. We need an awakening.

Remodeling the Castle

A man’s home is his castle, so they say. So why is it most castle’ across the world look old, gray and in disrepair? Because remodeling is one big pain in the butt! I have just a small castle, but I dote on it like a great king of old. But just know that the queen in my kingdom also likes said castle. After 30 years of united castle protection and remodeling in various states we picked a final resting place for our final stand. Now this castle had been in a state of disrepair before we lay siege to it and took possession. We are now into the 2nd year of said castle renovation.

At age 53, this is the last castle I will renovate. Due to time, money and one aching back, this is it. Said castle will fall to the fate of others across the world. This king wants to relax and find some peaceful moments and write literary masterpieces, yaz. If said queen says “I don’t think I like the paint anymore, can we try a different one?” my comeback we will be “Do you recall the fate of Anne Boleyn?” Maybe this will discourage any more renovations in this king’s lifetime. And please do not let there be reincarnation. Or, if it is my fate to come back, please let me come back as an adorable Golden Retriever. Our retriever, Ruby, just lies there as I smash my finger or get paint in my eye and yell obscenities that cause minor tremors. I am sure if retrievers can think, she is thinking “What a fool, bwahahahaha!”

I also wonder if kings of old remodeled while sipping on wine, a margarita or a mai tai. This is how I make the pain of renovation less taxing. Although my paint lines are a little crooked, I attribute this to artistic expression. I am a pickled Picasso on rare occasions and the aforementioned queen does not appreciate my artistry flair. Today we finished another round of painting, sanding and even a little grounds work. This week we have slaves (contractors) to deliver a slab of stone granite to finish off our latest round of innovation. What did we renovate you might ask. Well the bar of course!

As Mel Brooks once said “It’s nice to be the king!”

Hail and cheers to all my fellow kings and knights.

Living Your Dreams – Dust in the Wind

“I close my eyes. Only for a moment and the moment’s gone. All my dreams, pass before my eyes a curiosity. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.”

You know this Kansas tune, you sing to it all the time. But how well do the lyrics speak to you? Who says you cannot live more than one dream? I do not know about you, but I am inspired by others and feel obligated to inspire those around me. Why? Sing the song and understand the lyrics. Our time is fleeting. You will not be given a second opportunity.

“Do not be dust in the wind, but the wind that creates the dust storm.” A quote from author EW Greenlee.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Get up you slaggard, there is enough time for rest in the grave.” Is he any different than you or me? No, absolutely not – no matter what anyone tells you. You are unique by reason of your DNA, but what we learn from others is that effort is the deciding factor. Whatever dreams you have, work towards them.

I have a friend in Dallas who works as a landscape architect. He is also a keyboard player in the band “Justified.” With the economy in its current state, not too many are concerned with their landscaping. But it is human nature to want to seek escapism and entertainment. So having two careers in this day and time may be a wise move. One dedicated to your skills, the second dedicated to your passion. Should the income from your passion exceed your skilled career, then the path before you will have grown clear and wide. The point is, never give up on your passion, ever.

I have written now for over 4 decades, always placing a manuscript aside for some future date. In 2010, I completed my trilogy, “The Chosen One of Allivar” after a decade of research and writing. After much editing, it was released in late 2011. Many told me an author is not an author unless some traditional publisher pays you for it. In other words, self publishing is only for the vain. I’m 53 years old and time is fleeting. If I choose to spend that which I have earned, this then is called business risk, not vanity. If it fails, then it was my right to fail. With digital publishing as it stands today, there is very little risk financially. Take a chance, live your dreams, learn to inspire yourself when others will not. Those who do not support you are merely protecting their own vanity and ideas of self worth. If you succeed outside of the traditional mode, you will discover who the envious truly are and they will pass by you like “Dust in the wind.”

“Now don’t hang on. Nothing last forever but the earth and sky. It slips away and all your money won’t another minute buy.”

If you have never heard this song then follow the link below. There is wisdom in words. No more hanging on, unleash your passion, for criticisms also are dust in the wind and surround yourself with those that want to join you in stirring up the winds.

Dust in the Wind, Kansas