I may have mentioned that Monty Python corrupted my soul. In the silly classic, The Holy Grail, the brave knights encounter many perils too perilous to cross. They yell “Run away, run away!” Well let me report to you what I’ve seen on the roads lately that makes me want to scream “Drive away, drive away.” Let me expand on some of the real scenes as of late.
Have you ever seen someone lose the entire back axle of their rusty antique 1300 A.D. Ford pickup and push it out of the street? How about this – someone flipping you the bird when you have the right of way on a left turn signal and that flying bird thrower wants to make a right turn, but his right of way is at his choosing. “Drive away, drive away!” I am telling you the Darwin awards simply have too many candidates to count.
How about a person who drives 20 mph in a 40 mph zone on a beautiful clear day with no cars in front of him? Or that same Iguana that drives 40 mph in a 20 mph school zone with parked cars on the side and children running around like beheaded chickens? “Drive away, drive away!”
I kid you not on any of these absurd human observations. In Dallas, I saw a guy smoking a stogie with one hand and a phone in the other while steering with his knees. And yet another dude was playing a guitar while driving. We have all seen those people reaching around the car or leaning forward while applying makeup. You may even be one of them. Do you have a death wish?
I know technology has come a long way, so why can’t we have forward and back bumper scanners that read a driver’s record? Then our GPS would alert us and scream “Drive away, drive away!” I also want a forward and rear facing neon sign that I can yell commands to my onboard computer and those instructions are clearly seen by drivers in front and back of me. I am doing both sides a service.
Why not? This DADA device is technology that some bright auto company is about to discover. Maybe Tata Motors will name an automobile just for my concept. I can see it now the DADA TATA, TATA DADA, DATA DATA, or even the TADA TADA – any and all catchy and hip hoppy! But you read it here first, so I want my cut of this stroke of genius. You are my witness, just as I was a witness the day a 15 year old joy-rider crashed his mum’s station wagon eight feet into my parents’ home in the middle of the block. I kid you not! “Drive away, drive away!”
So what Darwin driver absurdity have you seen lately?