Vegas Tales 2012

Even before I could get to Las Vegas for my CPA conference, I received a Tweet to visit one of Vegas’ finest “Gentlemen’s” clubs. I won’t say which one because I am sure they have an employee named “Guido.” Sorry, my days of being a “gentleman” ended with a tale while in college. Being hustled by one of the “ladies” and nearly beaten with a 2X4 by bubba bouncer brought wisdom to me real quick. But that is a tale for another time. I hadn’t even made it to the airport here in Oklahoma yet. But this should give everyone an idea of how powerful the digital world has become. Maybe if I tweet “FREE HAWAII TRIP” I’ll be an instant winner. Of course that’s silly, there is nothing “FREE.” There are vampires in all the YA Novels floating around ready to suck the life out of you.

Speaking of the paranormal how about we define a new genre today and call it the iZombie. This past week in Las Vegas at the Aria, I was walking through the casino as a large group of Asians were all engaged with their smart phones. They bounced into each other, other people and walls. I kid you not. Everywhere you went in Vegas there were people on their phones. Looking at what I really do not know or understand. You have seen the woman who walked into the mall fountain or the young boy who fell into the subway rail on television. These are not isolated and rare events, they are growing each day as the iZombie legions continue to grow.

At the Aria we immediately had issues. We had to walk a mile from the shuttle drop off (located at one end of the resort) to the registration desk (of course, on the complete opposite end of the resort), and then back another mile to the elevators. A nice staff lady swears the resort is a convenient horse-shoe shape and it wasn’t really all that far to walk! We arrived in our room and all the technology went haywire and instead of Room service we had to call IT (Information Technology). An iZombie was rushed up to replace the batteries in the remote. My wife went button testing on all the technology and window draperies opened automatically as I stood there in the buff. Luckily, in Las Vegas a naked 50+ male causes no stir as those with telescopes are checking out the strip below or some naked 20+ dancer on floor 25. Also because of the legions of iZombies I could have walked naked in the Casino and still would not have raised an eyebrow. What’s an old geezer have to do to get some attention?

Well, to make a long story short, the trip was uneventful, the conference was boring, but scary as Ron Insana spoke of our $75-100 trillion (YES, TRILLION) in unfunded liabilities. The iZombies really caused me no grief and the waitresses were as plastic as the previous year. Vegas is hurting, so if you are patriotic, go lose a few hundred bucks and support your iZombies. Oh, and next year my CPA clan is returning to Las Vegas. Sorry, been there done that. It’s time for a new location. The legions of iZombies will have grown exponentially.


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